The Skeleton in My Closet


Below is my True Blood season 5 kick off post from 2012. Sunday I’ll share my post from 2013, and Monday look for a post to kick off this, the seventh and last season of the best vampire series ever. EVER. Don’t be surprised if you see funereal dishes show up. I’ll be in mourning for years and may need grief counseling.


We all have them.  Skeleton’s in our closets….It could be the wild Spring Break in Cabo, or the weekend in Las Vegas that you don’t quite remember.  Perhaps you were the one that put soap in the town’s water fountain just before the Christmas parade, or pulled the fire alarm at your graduation ceremony.  Maybe you have more than a passing attraction to chemical substances, expensive shoes, or Justin Bieber.  It may be that you are a vegan, but secretly hork down bacon when your vegan friends aren’t looking.  You know who you are.  But we are not here to judge.  We are here to come clean.

By day, and most nights, I am a soccer mom.  A loyal wife, a loving mother, a believer in the Divine, and a baker of cookies.  I rescue abandoned animals, and kiss babies on the cheek.  I cry when I hear the National Anthem, and stand when the colors pass by. I will never lie to you, talk behind your back, or wear white shoes after Labor Day.  But on Sunday evenings, between June and September, the Skeleton comes out of my closet.

My name is Christine, and I am a True Blood A-Holic.  Yep.  A card-carrying, by-God certified True Blood addict.  A Fangbanger.  A Trubie.  I cannot get enough.  Not enough fairies, witches, shape-shifters, werepanthers, werewolves, Maenads, brujos, or ghosts.  Not enough LaFayette Reynolds, and his famously sarcastic, ass-kicking drag-queen self.  Not enough Jason, and his dumb-as-a-stump-but-hot-as-Hades personae.  But mostly, I cannot get enough Vampire.

Vampire Greg

Eric Northman is a tall blond Swedish god.  Heaven with fangs.  Or I guess I should say Valhalla with fangs.  I didn’t think I could ever really like Eric, but Director Alan Ball is the Devil. Showing me Eric’s steadfast mission to avenge the murders of his family, his devotion to the almost Christ-like Godric, and what appears to be a fiercely loyal nature was sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.  Why, oh why, does one have to choose Team Bill or Team Eric?  Who made up that stupid rule?

Of course, I am also Team Pam.  She has a fabulous collection of designer shoes, keen fashion sense, and a fond appreciation for vintage Cartier. And I just adore her notoriously smart mouth and dry sense of humor.  Pam would be my fantasy shopping date.

And mostly, I love me some Bill Compton, and his Southern Gentleman vampness.  That smoldering gaze, and southern lilt are enough to make me go weak in the knees.  Of course, when he says “Sookie is mine”, I know this is just acting.  He really means to say “Christine is mine”……Yes he does.  Shut up.

This coming Sunday evening, Season 5 kicks off, and looks to be an exciting season.  Russell Edgington is back, still looking to avenge the death of his mate Talbot, who was reduced to a pile of bloody goo in Season 3.   Season 4 also closed out with a sighting of Rene Lanier, the possible death of Tara, and a soldier from Terry’s past that he thought was long-dead.  So, maybe Zombie’s this season?  Or more necromancy?  Season 4 seems to have gotten rid of Head-Witch-In-Charge, Marnie, so we’ll see.  Lot’s of exciting unknowns to consider for the good people, and other inhabitants, of Bon Temps.

But one thing is certain.  Do not call me, text me, or interrupt my line of sight to the television for the next 12 Sunday evenings.  Or you will be the next skeleton found in my closet.  That’s not a threat.  That’s a promise.

Oh, and by the way, lest my allegiance be in question, I am still Team Bill.  Eric is hot and all, but where I come from, you dance with who brung ya.  Sookie is Bill’s, even if he is mine.

Plus, every other day of the week, and the rest of Sunday, and forever, I am Team Greg!  Greg does indulge me in this one vice (which he calls soft-core Vampire porn) and will even watch the “good ones” with me.  Now that’s devotion!



Blood Shots


Bill’s Blood Shots (raspberry jello shots)

Makes 12 shots

  • 1 (3 ounce) package raspberry Jell-O gelatin
  • 1 cup boiling water
  • ½ cup  vodka
  • ½ cup Chambord, or other raspberry liqueur
  • 1 T fat-free half and half

Stir jello into boiling water.  Allow to cool for a few minutes, and stir in vodka and Chambord.  Stir in fat-free half and half.  It may appear to curdle or separate a bit.  This is okay—it enhances the coagulated blood look of the shot.  Put in shot glasses and chill until set.


Pam’s Blood Orange Granita

  • 1/2 cup of water
  • 1/4 cup plus one tablespoon of granulated sugar
  • 2 cups chilled fresh blood orange juice
  • ½ cup blackberries
  • 2 T cream

Whiz berries and juice in a blender and strain.  Chill juice.

Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan, and bring to a boil.  Stir to dissolve the sugar.  Set aside and allow to cool completely.  Stir juice mix, sugar syrup, and cream together in a cake pan, and set in the freezer.  After one hour, use a fork to stir any ice crystals from the edge into the center.  Freeze for another 30 minutes, and repeat.  Repeat again every 15 minutes, or until all of the juice is frozen.  Spoon into serving dishes and serve.


Eric’s V-Juice Cocktail  a Vegetable Juice Cocktail

Makes about 1 gallon

  • 2 32 oz cans San Marzano tomato puree
  • 2 stalk celery
  • 1 large white onions, peeled and chopped
  • 1 green bell pepper, seeded
  • 1 red bell pepper
  • 2 whole fresh jalapenos
  • 2 medium beets OR 2 cups blackberries(if you don’t like beets)
  • 6 carrots
  • 2 clove garlic, peeled
  • 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
  • 2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
  • 1 ½  tablespoon lemon juice
  • 7-1/4 cups water, or as needed
  • 2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
  • ½ cup sugar
  • 1 ½ tablespoon salt

Use a juicer to process the vegetables.  Place all of the juice into a large pot. Add remaining ingredients to make a thin consistency (add more water if necessary).  Simmer for 20 minutes.  Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary.  Serve hot or cold.


Bloody Maryanne’s

(per serving)

  • 8 oz chilled V- Juice Cocktail
  • 1 oz tequila

Mix together, serve with a slice of lemon.


Talbot on Toast

Talbot on Toast

  • 1 loaf of angel food cake
  • 2 cups strawberries
  • 1 cup raspberries
  • 1/2 cup blackberries
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup port wine
  • 8 oz soft cream cheese

Slice angel food cake into 1/4 inch thick slices.  Place on baking sheet, and place in a 250* oven.  Bake for 25 minutes.  Turn and bake another 25 minutes.  Remove from oven and let cool.

While toast is cooking, roughly chop berries, and place in a bowl with sugar and wine.  Allow to sit at room temp for 20 minutes.  Place in refrigerator until ready to serve.

To serve, spread a tablespoon of cream cheese on a piece of angel toast, and top with some of the berries.


Toadstools With Eye of Newt

Marnies’s Eye of Newt and Toadstools (Mini-Gnocchi with Mushrooms in Browned Butter and Sage)

  • 1 pound package of mini Gnocchi
  • ½ stick salted butter
  • 8 oz very small whole crimini mushrooms, or medium ones cut in half
  • ¼ cup fresh sage, cut into thin ribbons (chiffonade)
  • 1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
  • ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • ¼ cup cream


Cook gnocchi according to package directions.

While the water is coming to a boil, met butter over medium heat in a ten inch skillet.  Add mushrooms, and cook for a few minutes until browned.  When butter begins to brown, add sage and pepper, and nutmeg. Stir for a minute.  Add cream, and stir for a minute or two, until well incorporated and thickened just bit.  Toss in the cooked and drained gnocchi.  Sprinkle with fresh grated parmesan cheese.


Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

Sookie’s Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

  • 1 recipe your favorite Vanilla Cupcakes
  • 3 Tablespoons lemon tea drink mix (not sugar free)

Add tea mix to your prepared cupcake batter, and bake according to directions in your recipe.  Frost with Sweet Tea Buttercream Frosting, and garnish with sparkles, and sugar dusted candies of your choice.

Sweet Tea Buttercream Frosting

  • 1 cup softened butter
  • 1 tablespoon lemon flavored tea mix
  • 2 pounds powdered sugar
  • 2 teaspoon vanilla
  • ¼  teaspoon salt
  • 2-4 tablespoons milk


Beat butter until creamy.  Add in tea mix, and half of the sugar.  Beat for one minute.  Add remaining sugar, milk, salt and vanilla, and beat for one more minute.  Scrape down sides of bowl, and beat for 2 minutes, adding more milk if necessary to make a frosting soft enough to pipe.  Place in to a large frosting bag, without a tip, and pipe in circular motion on top of cakes.  Quickly sprinkle with coarse sugar or sprinkles.


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Categories: BAKING, Cupcakes, dessert, Food, humor, recipes, Texas, writing


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2 Comments on “The Skeleton in My Closet”

  1. 2014/06/14 at 1:42 pm #

    Oh girl!!! I am a late comer to the party. I had strep throat this last week so, looking for something to fill my time and take my mind of my on fire throat, I decided to check out True Blood on Netflix. Wellllllllllllllll a week later, and 6 seasons in, I am a total addict (my FB personal page header is the new photo of the cast for season 7). Why oh why did I wait this long??? Only 12 more episodes? I will be in mourning with ya!! Oh and I do loves me some Eric but I am in love with, ssshhh don’t tell the Mr, Alcide. I guess I have always been a dog person LOL

    • 2014/06/15 at 8:54 pm #

      I know…..I’ve literally never watched another show religiously. This season is going to kick my butt. And BTW…. SIX seasons in one week. ….? I’m impressed.

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