Waiting Sux! My Life as A True Blood Addict

This Sunday is Father’s Day.  And I love my daddy with all my heart, so it pains me to say this.  Father’s Day, Schmather’s Day……This Sunday is also the Season Premier of True Blood.

It’s that time of year when I must make my affirmation…..My name is Christine, and I am a True Blood A-Holic.  Yep.  A card-carrying, by-God certified True Blood addict.  A Fangbanger.  A Trubie.  I cannot get enough.  Not enough fairies, witches, shape-shifters, werepanthers, werewolves, Maenads, brujos, or ghosts.  Not enough LaFayette Reynolds, and his famously sarcastic, ass-kicking drag-queen self.  Not enough Jason, and his dumb-as-a-stump-but-hot-as-Hades personae.  But mostly, I cannot get enough Vampire

I’m not even a functional addict, either.  When I am not actively watching an episode, I am obsessing about what the next episode will bring.  When the season is over, I spend the next 9 months in a sort of fugue state.  Not really living, but not dead either, metaphorically. Like a piece of me is hibernating somewhere.  It’s all just too much to absorb.  I blame Alan Ball, of course.  He has just left me hanging off a precarious ledge from one season to the next.  I hate him and love him for that. Well played, Alan, well-played.

Anxiety builds. Questions linger. Fingernails get chewed.

What’s up with Bill/Bileth?  How could William Compton, southern gentleman, and god of my idolatry turn evil? Is the good Bill still lurking somewhere inside whatever the hell he melted into in a puddle on the floor during last season’s finale?  Will he win out over that BITCH Lileth?  I don’t see how he could dissolve into a puddle of molten vampire goo and then come back as the Bill we know and love.  Ever. But he has to, right? Right?

I’ve read that a central character dies this season. Oh My God!  Horrifying to consider.  I’m getting hives just thinking about it. I am literally sitting here scratching my hands.

I want to believe it can’t be Bill or Sookie.  I mean, that would take the series so far from the books as to not even be recognizable.  And even though Bill-as-we-know-him appears to be dead, I still hold out hope that he and Sookie will still ride off into the night, or the sun, together in the end.  I’m definitely still team Bill.

But that would leave Eric expendable. And that doesn’t work for me either.  Thus far, the surly, sarcastic Eric has proven to be the more “human” and more honorable of the vamps. And what’s not to like about 6’5” of blonde hair, and blue-eyed Norse god?  I am definitely Team Eric also.

Which really means that I am Team Both, so none of the three of them can die off without wrecking my rich fantasy life.  Yeah—you saw it in Season 4—don’t pretend you didn’t.

That leaves Sam, Jason, Tara, Pam, and La Fayette.  Let’s face it, LaLa is the best comic relief on the show, and we need his sarcastic, smug, flamboyantly gay self to keep us laughing.  I think the creators know this, or they would have killed him off at the end of Season 2, when he died in the books.

And, what of Pam?  They cannot possibly kill off Pam. Her excessively dry wit, fierce loyalty, and love of fashion and vintage Cartier make her the vampire I would be if I were a vampire.  If she goes, she will take part of my little human soul with her.  She still gets props for one of the best lines of the show thus far: I’m wearing a Wal-Mart sweat suit for ya’ll. If that’s not a demonstration of team spirit I don’t know what is.”  And delivered with her stereotypical, absolute dead-pan delivery.

Jason Stackhouse  is pretty much a moron, albeit a hot one, but you just gotta love him.  And since there has been only very vague inference thus far on his status as a “were-person” of some sort, I am thinking that will still come out at some point.  Plus, the dumb cute guy almost never dies.

Tara? Meh. I’m so over her, so she can completely go away.  And her loser mother too. Which is precisely why she won’t.  They never kill off the ones you wish they would.

That leaves Sam, who may just be BOTH central enough and expendable enough that he should watch his back.

I can only hope that by “central character”, they really mean someone less central.  Like Andy.  But now he has all those fairy babies to raise, so I’m guessing he and Holly will be doing that. That’s funny. A witch and a human raising a bunch of faie babies?  Alan Ball has gone off his chain on that one. Which of course, is AWESOME!

There was a lot of build up the last two seasons about the werewolves and the fairies, so I know they will play a central role in the bloody battle that is brewing.  Alcide will no doubt be leading them….Question is, what side will the werewolves be fighting for?  The vampires, I hope.  The vamps are gonna need some help, what with the fairies and the humans gathering their forces, although I think the fairies will mostly play Sweden in this battle—watch from the sidelines without actually getting involved.

And I know the fairies are working with Sookie to strengthen and sharpen her faie powers.  Will her “fairie light” thingy be what ultimately saves Bill from the evil that has befallen him?  I am guessing the Jessica will also be central somehow to saving Bill, if he is to be saved.  I did not like Jessica when she first showed up, but she has become an honorable vampire, and a worthy adversary—she can really bring it when she needs to. Good Lord, I hope it isn’t Jessica that dies.

And I haven’t even mentioned Warlow.  What is he? What sort of havoc will he be wreaking on the fair citizens of BonTemps this season.

See?  I’ve just made my brain bleed thinking about all of this.

Sunday night CANNOT come around fast enough!!

If you are planning a True Blood kick-off party, here are a few recipes to add to your table.  Don’t forget to check out last year’s recipes also—->Here<——-

My favorite was Talbot on Toast.  If you saw Russell carrying around that crystal compote full of Talbot in season 4, you’ll totally dig it.

Faie Light Fruit

Faie Light Fruit

Faie Light Fruit

Think candied apples.  But these are amber-colored, and will glow under black light, thanks to the quinine in tonic water. So fun!

  • 2 cups sugar
  • 3/4 cup tonic water
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • ¼ teaspoon yellow paste food coloring
  • 1 teaspoon sour candy flavoring, if desired (I used raspberry)
  • 6 yellow delicious apples

Place a piece of parchment paper near the stove.  Spray it with non-stick spray. Place a wooden skewer or stick into top of each apple, and set aside (NOT on greased parchment).

Add all ingredients except the apples in a medium saucepan.  Stir gently and bring to boil over high heat. Reduce heat to medium high, and boil, swishing pan occasionally to clear the sides of any crystals, until a candy thermometer reads 305*

Remove from heat.  Tilt the pan at a 45* angle, and dip each apple in the syrup, holding it by the stick and twisting to cover the whole apple.  Allow the excess syrup to drip back into pan.  Place apple on parchment to cool.  If you want to serve without the stick, to look like a proper Light Fruit, use wooden skewers and remove them immediately after dipping by twisting gently.  Let cool for 20 minutes before serving.

They'll glow under black light!

They’ll glow under black light!

Blood of Lileth

Blood of (that BITCH) Lileth

The Blood of Lilleth

A fresh berry and wine spritzer….

  • 2 cups fresh or frozen raspberries
  • 3 cups fresh blackberries
  • 2 cups Barefoot Pink Moscato, chilled
  • 1 cup lemon lime soda, chilled

Run the berries through a juicer.  You should have about 1 ½ cups fruit puree. Alternately, you could puree in a blender, but just know that the seeds will be included.  Add the juice to a pitcher, and mix in the wine and the soda.  Refrigerate until ready to serve. Stir before serving.

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Categories: dessert, Food, humor, recipes, Texas, writing

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30 Comments on “Waiting Sux! My Life as A True Blood Addict”

  1. 2013/06/10 at 5:38 pm #

    Ooh! I need to save this for Halloween!

  2. 2013/06/10 at 5:49 pm #

    True Blood is the only reason I have HBO. Before that, it was Six Feet Under, Alan Ball’s first masterpiece.

    You, however, need counseling for your addiction. I’ll call you Sunday evening and we can discuss.

    • 2013/06/10 at 5:58 pm #

      Sunday evening I have a prior engagement. I have to, um, wash my hair. Yeah, that’s it. I have to wash my hair. From 8-9 pm.

  3. 2013/06/10 at 5:57 pm #

    Fangtastic lol

  4. Anonymous
    2013/06/10 at 7:35 pm #

    It’s the best 11th annual 30th Bday gift I could ask for. You didn’t mention Alcide! I have to say sister dearest…….. I have officially gone Team Eric. Sorry the writers worked real hard on that the last few seasons and they got me. I also have to say….. I will be making the Lilleth Blood this weekend. Yu-hum!!!!!

    • 2013/06/10 at 7:42 pm #

      I DID mention Alcide….but I don’t really think he’s central enough to die off. But maybe?

  5. Suzanne Banfield
    2013/06/10 at 8:49 pm #

    Ok I am not a fan of True Blood. But I understand and sympathize with your angst because I also have an obsession. Downton Abbey. I don’t know what I will do until January!

    • 2013/06/10 at 8:51 pm #

      Those directors are dastardly. I want to give Downtown Abbey a go….

      • Suzanne Banfield
        2013/06/10 at 9:05 pm #

        I dare say, they are quite dastardly. You should definitely give it a go. Maggie Smith is amazing.

      • 2013/06/10 at 9:18 pm #

        Maggie Smith is genius. Love her.

  6. 2013/06/10 at 9:05 pm #

    OMG I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

    And thank you for recapping my own feelings. Bill needs to go back to the Bill we know and love! I’m totally team Both too and I am so anxious for this season (and as we all know the books give us no info really in relation to the show, theyre so different!)

  7. 2013/06/11 at 1:50 am #

    In a better world than this one, the US government would stop spending money on silly wars they can’t win, and send it to HBO instead, so that shows like “True Blood” and “Game of Thrones” could run for longer, and have more epic battle scenes!

  8. 2013/06/11 at 6:53 am #

    Omg this post is too funny!!! Because, I am the EXACT same way. I am beyond excited for this premiere. Those candied apples and that drink look amazing! I’ve been thinking about getting together with some girlfriends for the premiere that and those would be such a fun addition to the event!

  9. 2013/06/11 at 9:20 am #

    Lafayette is one of my favourite characters.

  10. Greg
    2013/06/11 at 10:19 am #

    What are you gonna do when the show runs it’s course, my lovely chef? Nothing good can last forever except my love for you!

  11. Greg
    2013/06/11 at 10:21 am #

    What’s a faie?

  12. 2013/06/11 at 5:35 pm #

    You are hilarious! I loved the recipes, especially the apples glowing in a black light – genius. I don’t keep up with TB anymore, except thru the TV guide. No HBO, but I am a Walking Dead addict for sure. During the Dead season I start getting excited on Friday!

  13. 2013/06/11 at 8:29 pm #

    I was devastated when Russell died. I mean, I know it had to happen, but he was the best character ever.

    • 2013/06/11 at 10:47 pm #

      Russell was the most flamboyantly narcissistic psycho…..in the best way. I will miss him too.

  14. 2013/06/12 at 5:26 pm #

    OH MY! I count down the days to the next TB season! – I’m living a similar life to yours all the way here in Australia! In all honesty, please let it be Sam that goes away – Team Vamp all the way – I know exactly which episode you mean!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  15. 2013/06/27 at 8:20 pm #

    Thanks for reading! As for me, I’m totally Team Eric. 😉

  16. 2013/07/10 at 10:10 am #

    Crap have I missed the start of this season? haha I actually love it when that happens- I don’t have to wait as long between episodes 😉

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