The Skeleton in My Closet

We all have them.  Skeleton’s in our closets….It could be the wild Spring Break in Cabo, or the weekend in Las Vegas that you don’t quite remember.  Perhaps you were the one that put soap in the town’s water fountain just before the Christmas parade, or pulled the fire alarm at your graduation ceremony.  Maybe you have more than a passing attraction to chemical substances, expensive shoes, or Justin Bieber.  It may be that you are a vegan, but secretly hork down bacon when your vegan friends aren’t looking.  You know who you are.  But we are not here to judge.  We are here to come clean.

By day, and most nights, I am a soccer mom.  A loyal wife, a loving mother, a believer in the Divine, and a baker of cookies.  I rescue abandoned animals, and kiss babies on the cheek.  I cry when I hear the National Anthem, and stand when the colors pass by. I will never lie to you, talk behind your back, or wear white shoes after Labor Day.  But on Sunday evenings, between June and September, the Skeleton comes out of my closet.

My name is Christine, and I am a True Blood A-Holic.  Yep.  A card-carrying, by-God certified True Blood addict.  A Fangbanger.  A Trubie.  I cannot get enough.  Not enough fairies, witches, shape-shifters, werepanthers, werewolves, Maenads, brujos, or ghosts.  Not enough LaFayette Reynolds, and his famously sarcastic, ass-kicking drag-queen self.  Not enough Jason, and his dumb-as-a-stump-but-hot-as-Hades personae.  But mostly, I cannot get enough Vampire. 

Vampire Greg

Eric Northman is a tall blond Swedish god.  Heaven with fangs.  Or I guess I should say Valhalla with fangs.  I didn’t think I could ever really like Eric, but Director Alan Ball is the Devil. Showing me Eric’s steadfast mission to avenge the murders of his family, his devotion to the almost Christ-like Godric, and what appears to be a fiercely loyal nature was sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.  Why, oh why, does one have to choose Team Bill or Team Eric?  Who made up that stupid rule?

Of course, I am also Team Pam.  She has a fabulous collection of designer shoes, keen fashion sense, and a fond appreciation for vintage Cartier. And I just adore her notoriously smart mouth and dry sense of humor.  Pam would be my fantasy shopping date. 

And mostly, I love me some Bill Compton, and his Southern Gentleman vampness.  That smoldering gaze, and southern lilt are enough to make me go weak in the knees.  Of course, when he says “Sookie is mine”, I know this is just acting.  He really means to say “Christine is mine”……Yes he does.  Shut up.

This coming Sunday evening, Season 5 kicks off, and looks to be an exciting season.  Russell Edgington is back, still looking to avenge the death of his mate Talbot, who was reduced to a pile of bloody goo in Season 3.   Season 4 also closed out with a sighting of Rene Lanier, the possible death of Tara, and a soldier from Terry’s past that he thought was long-dead.  So, maybe Zombie’s this season?  Or more necromancy?  Season 4 seems to have gotten rid of Head-Witch-In-Charge, Marnie, so we’ll see.  Lot’s of exciting unknowns to consider for the good people, and other inhabitants, of Bon Temps.

But one thing is certain.  Do not call me, text me, or interrupt my line of sight to the television for the next 12 Sunday evenings.  Or you will be the next skeleton found in my closet.  That’s not a threat.  That’s a promise. 

Oh, and by the way, lest my allegiance be in question, I am still Team Bill.  Eric is hot and all, but where I come from, you dance with who brung ya.  Sookie is Bill’s, even if he is mine. 

Plus, every other day of the week, and the rest of Sunday, and forever, I am Team Greg!  Greg does indulge me in this one vice (which he calls soft-core Vampire porn) and will even watch the “good ones” with me.  Now that’s devotion!

 

 

Blood Shots

 

Bill’s Blood Shots (raspberry jello shots)

Makes 12 shots

  • 1 (3 ounce) package raspberry Jell-O gelatin
  • 1 cup boiling water
  • ½ cup  vodka
  • ½ cup Chambord, or other raspberry liqueur
  • 1 T fat-free half and half

Stir jello into boiling water.  Allow to cool for a few minutes, and stir in vodka and Chambord.  Stir in fat-free half and half.  It may appear to curdle or separate a bit.  This is okay—it enhances the coagulated blood look of the shot.  Put in shot glasses and chill until set.

 

Pam’s Blood Orange Granita

  • 1/2 cup of water
  • 1/4 cup plus one tablespoon of granulated sugar
  • 2 cups chilled fresh blood orange juice
  • ½ cup blackberries
  • 2 T cream

Whiz berries and juice in a blender and strain.  Chill juice.

Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan, and bring to a boil.  Stir to dissolve the sugar.  Set aside and allow to cool completely.  Stir juice mix, sugar syrup, and cream together in a cake pan, and set in the freezer.  After one hour, use a fork to stir any ice crystals from the edge into the center.  Freeze for another 30 minutes, and repeat.  Repeat again every 15 minutes, or until all of the juice is frozen.  Spoon into serving dishes and serve.

V-Juice

Eric’s V-Juice Cocktail  a Vegetable Juice Cocktail

Makes about 1 gallon

  • 2 32 oz cans San Marzano tomato puree
  • 2 stalk celery
  • 1 large white onions, peeled and chopped
  • 1 green bell pepper, seeded
  • 1 red bell pepper
  • 2 whole fresh jalapenos
  • 2 medium beets OR 2 cups blackberries(if you don’t like beets)
  • 6 carrots
  • 2 clove garlic, peeled
  • 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
  • 2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
  • 1 ½  tablespoon lemon juice
  • 7-1/4 cups water, or as needed
  • 2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
  • ½ cup sugar
  • 1 ½ tablespoon salt

Use a juicer to process the vegetables.  Place all of the juice into a large pot. Add remaining ingredients to make a thin consistency (add more water if necessary).  Simmer for 20 minutes.  Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary.  Serve hot or cold. 

 

Bloody Maryanne’s

(per serving)

  • 8 oz chilled V- Juice Cocktail
  • 1 oz tequila

Mix together, serve with a slice of lemon.

 

Talbot on Toast

Talbot on Toast

  • 1 loaf of angel food cake
  • 2 cups strawberries
  • 1 cup raspberries
  • 1/2 cup blackberries
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup port wine
  • 8 oz soft cream cheese

Slice angel food cake into 1/4 inch thick slices.  Place on baking sheet, and place in a 250* oven.  Bake for 25 minutes.  Turn and bake another 25 minutes.  Remove from oven and let cool.

While toast is cooking, roughly chop berries, and place in a bowl with sugar and wine.  Allow to sit at room temp for 20 minutes.  Place in refrigerator until ready to serve.

To serve, spread a tablespoon of cream cheese on a piece of angel toast, and top with some of the berries.

 

Toadstools With Eye of Newt

Marnies’s Eye of Newt and Toadstools (Mini-Gnocchi with Mushrooms in Browned Butter and Sage)

  • 1 pound package of mini Gnocchi
  • ½ stick salted butter
  • 8 oz very small whole crimini mushrooms, or medium ones cut in half
  • ¼ cup fresh sage, cut into thin ribbons (chiffonade)
  • 1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
  • ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • ¼ cup cream

 

Cook gnocchi according to package directions.

While the water is coming to a boil, met butter over medium heat in a ten inch skillet.  Add mushrooms, and cook for a few minutes until browned.  When butter begins to brown, add sage and pepper, and nutmeg. Stir for a minute.  Add cream, and stir for a minute or two, until well incorporated and thickened just bit.  Toss in the cooked and drained gnocchi.  Sprinkle with fresh grated parmesan cheese.

 

Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

Sookie’s Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

Sweet Tea Fairy Cakes

  • 1 recipe your favorite Vanilla Cupcakes
  • 3 Tablespoons lemon tea drink mix (not sugar free)

Add tea mix to your prepared cupcake batter, and bake according to directions in your recipe.  Frost with Sweet Tea Buttercream Frosting, and garnish with sparkles, and sugar dusted candies of your choice.

Sweet Tea Buttercream Frosting

  • 1 cup softened butter
  • 1 tablespoon lemon flavored tea mix
  • 2 pounds powdered sugar
  • 2 teaspoon vanilla
  • ¼  teaspoon salt
  • 2-4 tablespoons milk

 

Beat butter until creamy.  Add in tea mix, and half of the sugar.  Beat for one minute.  Add remaining sugar, milk, salt and vanilla, and beat for one more minute.  Scrape down sides of bowl, and beat for 2 minutes, adding more milk if necessary to make a frosting soft enough to pipe.  Place in to a large frosting bag, without a tip, and pipe in circular motion on top of cakes.  Quickly sprinkle with coarse sugar or sprinkles.

 

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Categories: Cupcakes, Food, humor, recipes, Texas, writing

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

34 Comments on “The Skeleton in My Closet”

  1. 2012/06/04 at 1:35 pm #

    Love the recipes, already pinned this on my Halloween Board

  2. 2012/06/04 at 1:42 pm #

    We are a household of True Blood fans here as well, though I suspect my other half is more of a fan to indulge me than of the show in and of itself…we are both, however, die-hard Pam fans! 🙂

    I will definitely be trying out these recipes. Might even have to have the neighbors over to kick off the season (they too are die-hard fans and often you’ll fund us all hanging out together on Sunday nights).

  3. 2012/06/04 at 2:11 pm #

    What’s not to love? The eternal story of good girl gone vamp. Oh, and the had me at the creepy, fascinating, weirdly compelling opening credits.

    • 2012/06/06 at 10:28 pm #

      That’s the only theme song I NEVER get tired to hear. In fact, I have it on my IPod.

  4. caitlambert
    2012/06/04 at 4:00 pm #

    The books by Charlene Harris is so worth the read, if you love the show than you’ll love reading about it even more. 🙂

  5. Matilda
    2012/06/04 at 10:12 pm #

    These recipes look amazing, but you lost me at Team Bill. Seriously? But I’ve read the books- in them Bill is a priggish dork. Team Eric all the way! (Incidentally, while AS is gorgeous, I don’t think he has the charisma that the book character has).

    • 2012/06/04 at 11:33 pm #

      Yes, yes, I know…but I grew up at the beach, where blondes were all the rage….as I grew up and away from that, I leaned toward the tall dark and handsome sort….and as a southerner, I’m a sucker for even a fake southern drawl….

  6. 2012/06/05 at 12:29 am #

    Great blog! Yes, pithy and enticing..

  7. 2012/06/05 at 12:36 am #

    *stands up* I am Sam and I an a Trubie! Team Eric all the way! Bill can kiss my grits! I can’t wait for the new season, drama, blood, sex,and more drama. The perfect recipe. 🙂

  8. kittenkirst
    2012/06/05 at 6:46 am #

    Love this post! I’m in the UK without satellite tv so am a bit further behind in the series, but am also hooked.

    However, I am most definately team Eric *SWOON* 😀

  9. Sarah
    2012/06/05 at 11:55 am #

    The fact that you even feel the need to CLARIFY your allegiance to Bill astonishes me. I mean, seriously. If you have ever even wavered onto the side of Team Eric, you are a traitor! He is not hot. He is a pasty fruitcake. Bill, in all his Southern glory, reigns supreme. That is all.

    -Still on Season 2

  10. Sarah
    2012/06/05 at 12:50 pm #

    Bill should be the king. He will take over, mark my words! That being said, it’s time to start season 2 on DVD. Ha. You’ll get it back one day….but only when you hand over season 3…

  11. 2012/06/05 at 9:54 pm #

    Thanks for visiting my blog! Those fairy tea cakes look divine. I’ll have to try them.

    -Courtney
    girlavantgarde.wordpress.com

  12. 2012/06/06 at 8:05 am #

    I have nominated your blog for the Illuminating Blogger Award. Should you accept the award please visit the award site (http://foodstoriesblog.com/illuminating-blogger-award/) and leave a comment indicating that you have been nominated and by whom.

    Best,
    Diane
    http://dwittopinions.wordpress.com/

  13. 2012/06/06 at 12:26 pm #

    Lol, yeah a lot of people love True Blood, and even if people don’t love vampires, you know they love all the skin on that show… just kidding. Well, I love visiting your blog and here’s a small token of appreciation

    http://quickasianrecipes.com/2012/06/06/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  14. 2012/06/06 at 3:05 pm #

    Ok – I don’t know what True Blood is, but I am slightly fascinated, slightly horrified at the same time :-0 You crack me up!

    • 2012/06/06 at 3:33 pm #

      OMG! You must locate some True Blood on DVD. Best. SHow. Ever.

      • 2012/06/06 at 3:38 pm #

        I don’t know… can anything be better than Glee?
        *that was a joke – I’m addicted to it, but I know better than to act as though it had ANY redeeming value AT ALL… Yup.*

  15. 2012/06/07 at 9:41 am #

    LOL!!

    LOVE your Blog!

    Thank you for letting me find you!!

    And thanks for the recipies…now to make them 😕

    God Love You ♥

  16. 2012/06/07 at 10:04 am #

    My wife – also known as “VampireLover – shares your passion for the Undead. Go figure, right?

    • 2012/06/07 at 12:40 pm #

      your wife is obviously a woman of superior intellect and good taste…..

  17. Sarah
    2012/06/07 at 12:50 pm #

    I TOLD you I hadn’t started season two yet! But if Bill is king, all is how it should be.

    • 2012/06/07 at 12:56 pm #

      Well, Target has Season 4 for 30.00 this week, so get thee there–but still watch them in order. Did I hand off season 2 to you?

      • Sarah
        2012/06/07 at 1:21 pm #

        Yeah I have two. But I’m not skipping to 4. Do you have 3 when the need arises?

      • 2012/06/07 at 5:25 pm #

        I don’t have three yet.

  18. 2012/06/10 at 2:06 am #

    Hi, I have nominated your blog for the Illuminating Blogger Award on http//:foodstoriesblog.com/illuminating-blogger-award/ If you are interested check out the blog at http://foodstoriesblogcom/food-stories-award and good luck.

  19. 2012/06/14 at 10:24 pm #

    Ha – you def make me want to watch True Blood. I have never seen it – but I totally LOVE the theme song to the show. Oh – that might be tomorrows post for me.
    The blood shots look and sound awesome.
    My one big skeleton (that I can confess out loud to) is “Dexter” so I get where you are coming from.

    BTW – thanks for “liking” my post.

    Cheers!

  20. 2012/06/16 at 9:36 am #

    What a great post! I love True Blood (Pam is my favorite) and the recipes are so fun.

  21. johnlmalone
    2012/06/16 at 5:14 pm #

    thank you for subscribing to my blog. It is nowhere as interesting as yours . On your recommendation I will view an episode of ‘True Blood’ this week and see what all the fuss is about

  22. 2012/06/18 at 9:32 am #

    Thanks for the recipes.The H.B.O version is like, 24 bucks for 4. I told my Greg(yes, my hubbies name is also Very. True story) that the only way I’d pay 24 bucks is if H.B.O. brought that ten foot tall Swedish guy to my house so I could lick it off his chest. Now poor Greg has more questions than answers about my True Blood fascination.

  23. 2012/07/12 at 8:54 am #

    Well written!!

Leave a comment:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: