When Boobs Attack!

Boobs. Hooters. Ta-tas. Nah-nahs. Melons. Jugs. Headlights. Honkers. Rack. Chi-chis. Bosoms. Gazingas. Honkers. The Girls. The Twins. Tits. Pillows. Fun bags. Bumpy bits.

There are hundreds of names for them, some more respectful than others.  But whatever they are called, everyone has a thing for breasts. 

Women love them because of how they fill in their shirts and dresses.  And because they have long been epitomized as the end-all, be-all of the feminine mystique. We are socialized from an early age that our boobs define us, much the same as men learn at an early age to define themselves based on the size of their….shoes.

Babies love them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  And because they make a nice pillow when resting on mommy’s chest.  When throwing a tantrum, they make a nice soft target when hurling one’s little toddler head into mommy with impressive force. 

And men love them because…….well, let’s just leave it at that.

But boobs can kill! 

That’s right, nearly 40,000 women in the United States alone died of breast cancer in 2011.  One in eight women will get breast cancer in their lifetime, and 85% of them will have no family history of it in their family.  The two biggest factors in getting breast cancer are being female, and age!

Luckily, mortalilty rates are down due largely to increased awareness and early detection.  Ladies, do your monthly self-exams.  Better yet, teach your man to do it.  He will enjoy doing it.  So much, in fact, that you will get an exam very, very regularly.  And get your annual mammogram, especially after you turn 40.  I know, I know…Sticking the girls into an ice-cold vice isn’t something I enjoy either, but it only lasts a few minutes, and can save your life!  If we were talking about a serial killer in your neighborhood, you would be very vigilant about protecting yourself, right? 

Early detection is the key to saving yourself from killer boobs!

For October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness Month,  I have set my blog’s background color to pink.  Here are a few recipes in honor of the month!

Pink Peppercorn Crusted Duck Breast, With Pink Lemonade Glaze

Boobs de Canard  (Duck Breast)

Do you hate duck?  If you said yes, I bet you don’t really hate duck.  You probably just have never had it prepared properly, and you may have gone into it thinking it would be like a chicken, but bigger.  Once you get right in the head about what to expect, and once you have had duck prepared well, you may well love it.

The first time I ever had duck, was my 16th birthday.  Fanciest restaurant in town, atop the best Hotel in the area….I ordered Roast Duck in Bing Cherry Sauce.  I will admit that half of the fiasco was my own fault.  I thought it sounded delicious.  Like Chicken a L’Orange.  But to my earlier point, Duck isn’t chicken.  Not even close.  Yes, they are both birds, but that is where the similarity ends.  Duck is a darker meat, much more strongly flavored, and can be very fatty, with a very prominent fat layer under the skin.

But in this case, the rest of the problem was with the chef.  The duck itself may well have been a mud hen, rather than a duck.  I was very dark, very stringy and greasy, completely over cooked, and swimming in a very heavy, cloyingly sweet sauce with no other dimension to it.  So I swore off duck for the nest 25 years, and resigned myself to hating it.

And then I got a wild hair one night and ordered this beautiful pan seared duck breast in an orange and crystallized ginger glaze.  It was cooked properly to a medium rare, sliced into medallions, and kissed with just enough of the sauce.  Heaven. On. A. Plate. 

I created this recipe with the same idea in mind.  Nicely seasoned with complimentary flavors that do not overpower, and pan-seared to juicy, medium-rare perfection. 

Pink Peppercorn Crusted Duck Breast With Pink Lemonade Glaze

  • 4 boneless duck breasts (Muscovy)
  • 2 tablespoons coarse-ground pink pepper corns
  • 3 t kosher salt
  • 2 T olive oil
  •  1 cup frozen pink lemonade concentrate, thawed
  • 1/2 cup dried cherries, chopped

Preheat oven to 425*

In an oven proof skillet, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Using a paper towel, pat duck breasts dry.  Salt and pepper the duck breasts, pressing pepper into the meat.  Sear, skin side down, until browned. Turn over and sear the other side.  Add lemonade and cherries.  Spoon liquid over duck and place in oven.  Cook for 10 minutes, basting every 2 minutes. Duck should be served no more than medium rare.

Slice breasts and arrange on plate.  Drizzle sauce over.

Cherry Pink Snowballs

Cherry Pink Snowball Cookies

Makes about 2 dozen

  • 2 cups butter, room temperature
  • 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 4 cups all-purpose flour  
  • 1/2 cup finely chopped dried cherries (or cranberries)
  • 3 cups powdered sugar for coating
  • 1/2 small box cherry-flavored Jello

Preheat oven to 350*

Cream the butter in a mixing bowl.  Beat in the vanilla.  Mix the ¾ cup powdered sugar, salt and flour together, and then mix into the butter until well combined.  Mix in the dried cherries.

Roll walnut sized pieces of dough into balls, and place them one inch apart on a parchment lined baking sheet.  Bake for 12 minutes, or until just beginning to turn golden around the bottoms.  Remove and allow to cool for 3 minutes.  Place 3 cups powdered sugar and jello mix in a large bowl, and mix well. Roll the cookies in powdered sugar mixture and set aside.  When completely cool, roll again in powdered sugar.  Store in airtight container for a week

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Categories: BAKING, children, dessert, Family, Food, humor, recipes, Texas, writing


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25 Comments on “When Boobs Attack!”

  1. 2013/10/10 at 11:19 am #

    Lol…fabulous, funny and informative post Christine!

  2. 2013/10/10 at 11:51 am #

    Always love good duck recipes now that I’ve mastered the bird! Also, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, shop http://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/sarahbordenet/b6f80a. I’m donating a portion of all proceeds through that link to Breast Cancer Awareness and research. And on top of that, Chloe + Isabel is donating 100% of all proceeds from sales of the Positively Pink collection to the Young Survivors Coalition. So if you shop the link above, at the top of my page is the Positively Pink Collection. If you buy any of those pieces through the link above, you support the cause TWICE at no additional cost.

    Take your awesome new jewelry, go home and make some damn good duck, and call it a day 🙂

    • 2013/10/10 at 3:55 pm #

      I’m only approving this comment with a link because you are my sister and I can’t kill you.


  3. 2013/10/10 at 12:57 pm #

    I was hoping for a melon recipe. 😉

  4. 2013/10/11 at 12:55 am #

    mmmm, boobs

  5. 2013/10/11 at 10:16 am #

    you can kill me. But I will come back and haunt the hell out of you. And eat all your food while I’m at it. But come on, the post is ‘for the cause.’

  6. 2013/10/11 at 12:51 pm #

    Never thought about boobs much but they are comfy XD also your description of the duck breast…..I’ll just leave it at that.

  7. 2013/10/12 at 8:25 am #

    Duck breast is one of our favorite meals! I need to try those snowball cookies. Pink delights!

  8. 2013/10/13 at 11:36 am #

    Reblogged this on Father Says… and commented:
    It’s October. Christine’s post highlights the important message of breast cancer awareness in a light, east-to-read format with the added bonus of terrific recipes.

    • 2013/10/13 at 7:24 pm #

      Thanks! Save the ta-tas!

      • 2013/10/13 at 9:57 pm #

        Amen! And thanks to you for the important message.

      • 2018/10/13 at 1:44 pm #

        I am in the process of publishing an inspirational book based on my blog, Wisdom From a Father. I re-blogged your post When Boobs Attack and would like to include it in the book. I realize you’re not into blogging as much … but the message — and the format — was important. Please get in touch with me so we can discuss. I hope all is well with you!

      • 2018/10/13 at 4:20 pm #

        Well hello! That would be fine with me. I hope you are well

      • 2018/10/14 at 11:55 am #

        When published (mid November) I’ll send you a copy [but I’ll need your address]. Thanks, Joe

      • 2018/10/14 at 12:00 pm #

        163 River Trail. Boerne TX 78006

      • 2018/12/31 at 11:16 am #

        Hello. I just received your book today. I can’t wait to read it.

  9. 2013/10/13 at 3:37 pm #

    That duck looks and sounds pretty good. And I am always happy to help with any necessary exams.

  10. 2013/10/13 at 7:10 pm #

    lol!!! You crack me up!

  11. 2013/11/07 at 7:28 am #

    You had me at Boobs. I am new yo your site and look forward to your pity commentary and the opportunity to share recipes.

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