The Chocolate Cake
The capacity for being sneaky has existed for as long as mankind. The only being with the ability to think beyond its instinct brings with it the power to choose mischief over conscientiousness, naughty over nice, and chocolate over vanilla. The question of whether or not people are inherently good, or inherently bad is as old as the question of birth order between the chicken and the egg.
If you do not believe in the inherent tendency of mankind to be naughty, you probably haven’t had children yet. You have never looked headlong into the eyes of a three-year old, vehemently denying that he ate the chocolate cookies, even though the crumb evidence is all over his face. And the floor. And sitting in the waistline of his snappy-bottomed pants.
You have probably never heard the tell-tale sound of the crinkling of the candy bag, stepped into the kitchen, and witnessed your 18 month old sitting on top of the refrigerator eating chocolate candy buttons (don’t believe what the ads say–they DO melt in your hands). You couldn’t have predicted how agile or crafty your man-cub would be. That he would open the dishwasher and stand on the door to get up on the counter-top. That he would then walk 6 feet to the counter-top microwave and use it as a step-ladder to climb on top of the refrigerator. That he could ever reach the basket of goodies that you safely stowed at such heights.
Max eating ice cream–with his whole body
It may not be your fault, but it IS your problem. You are dealing with a creature of superior cunning and an endless capacity for mischief. You are dealing with an early human, whose sole instinctual drive is for pleasure. He (or she) is capable of great conniving and manipulations to achieve this. Some early humans resort to tantrums. Others will shift the blame–(“Daddy wanted these…”). Still others will use the annoyingly successful method of tugging on your heart-strings. The quivering lower lip. Big tears that sit in the bottom of the eyes, but never quite fall. They will feign great heartache at being denied the treat. Eventually, you will cave-in to this tactic. You won’t be able to resist that sweet face.
Your efforts to resist my charms are futile. Cookie, please!
This is neither your fault, nor that of your little cookie thief. You are both victims of a preternatural drive for an endorphin rush, and chocolate delivers a bigger dose than the other treats in your pantry. This is the reason that chocolate is so popular on Valentine’s day–it contains lots of feel-good chemicals, which is exactly what kind of chemicals you want to consume on Valentine’s Day.
Luckily, research now suggests that dark chocolate (65% or higher in cocoa content), taken in sensible amounts, actually has other benefits. It contains flavonoids, which act as antioxidants blah blah blah blah..improved cholesterol, blah blah blah, lower blood pressure…..
Long story short:
–chocolate is tasty
–even toddlers know this
–regular consumption of dark chocolate can be healthy (but no so for milk chocolate)
–don’t pig out on it (calories still count)
Also, women tend to crave it more than men, because it balances our hormones, which is also why you may tend to crave it on a regular, monthly basis (don’t let him tell you that you’re crazy)……It also gives us a sense of serenity. Which you really need when chasing your early human up the side of tall refrigerators all day. Served with a glass of red wine, you can double both the antioxidant qualities, and the serenity inducing ones. That isn’t intended to be medical advise, though, so don’t turn into a wine lush. Like everything else, moderation is the key.
Here are some favorite chocolate recipes
THE Chocolate Cake
THE Chocolate Cake– Makes 3, 10″ layers, or 2, 13×9 cakes (cut recipe in half for a 2 layer, 8″ cake)
- 4 C all-purpose flour
- 2 t salt
- 2 t baking powder
- 4 t baking soda
- 1 1/2 cups dutch process cocoa powder
- 4 C sugar
- 2 C vegetable oil
- 2 C hot coffee
- 2 C whole milk
- 4 large eggs
- 2 t vanilla
- 1 C sour cream
Preheat oven to 325*……
Mix together all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Mix milk, oil, coffee, vanilla and eggs together in a medium bowl. Add to dry ingredients and mix just until well blended. Mix in sour cream until fully blended. Batter will be fairly loose. Pour into pans, and bake for 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out just clean. Cool on wire rack.
This cake is super with Old Fashioned 7 Minute Frosting, Cream Cheese Frosting, or Dark Chocolate Buttercream (below)
Dark Chocolate Buttercream Frosting
- 4 sticks softened butter
- 2 t. salt
- 4 pounds powdered sugar
- 4 T strong brewed coffee
- 1.5 cups dutch process cocoa powder
- 1 T vanilla
- 1/2 cup milk, or more
Beat butter until creamy. Slowly add in salt and half of the powdered sugar. Add coffee. Beat in the rest of the sugar, milk and the vanilla. If the frosting is too stiff, add a little more milk until a good spreading consistency is achieved.
Dark Chocolate Gingerbread Cupcakes
Dark Chocolate Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cinnamon Orange Buttercream Makes 30 cupcakes
- 2 C all-purpose flour
- 1 t salt
- 1 t baking powder
- 2 t baking soda
- ¾ dutch process cocoa powder
- 2 T ground ginger
- 2 t allspice
- 2 t cinnamon
- 2 C sugar
- 1 C vegetable oil
- 1 C hot coffee
- 1 C whole milk
- 2 large eggs
- zest of one orange
- 1 t vanilla
- ½ C sour cream
Mix together all dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Mix milk, oil, coffee, vanilla and eggs together in a medium bowl. Add to dry ingredients and mix just until well blended. Mix in sour cream until fully blended. Batter will be fairly loose. Fill cupcake liners 2/3 full, and bake for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out just clean. Cool on wire rack.
Frost with Cinnamon Orange Buttercream, and garnish with chopped crystallized ginger
Cinnamon Orange Buttercream Frosting
- 2 sticks softened butter
- 1 t. salt
- 2 pounds powdered sugar
- 1 t cinnamon
- 2 T orange juice
- 1 T fresh orange zest
Beat butter until creamy. Slowly add in salt and half of the powdered sugar. Add juice. Beat in the rest of the sugar and the orange zest. If the frosting is too stiff, add a little more juice or milk until a good spreading consistency is achieved. 
You will find three of my other favorite chocolate cupcakes on an earlier posting located here: https://texanaskitchen.com/2011/11/17/hey-cupcake/
Texana's Kitchen 
I have cake envy. Yum.
I want some 🙂
THE Chocolate Cake recipe: 1 1/2 (????)dutch processed cocoa?
oooops. Cups. I update it. Thanks for the call out.
Thanks – that’s a mighty amount of cocoa, mind you it’s all relative to the other ingredients – sounds amazing !
It IS a really DEEP dark chocolate cake….For sure.
Hahahahahaaa aww!!
Funny, funny post, even though most recipe posts are not hilarious, I truly enjoyed both the recipes and your sense of humor in this one!
A little sumthin sumthin for everyone….
Such a great post. Now, can i have a piece of that cake?
If you can get here before I devour it.
Darn!
That cake looks divine. I can’t stop staring at it!
Yummmm to those cupcakes!
I enjoy your titles and commentary makes me smile
Thanks Sandra! With your hands full of little ones, I am sure you have some great stories to tell, too!
Oh wow, this all looks so fantastic! I LOVE chocolate, cookies…. almost anything sweet! Thanks, I pinned it. 😀
Thanks!
I am hungry now. Especially as I have been caught up in writing a post about the My Side of the Mountain books and am now having a late dinner :-). I may just skip dinner and head straight for some chocolate ;-).
You are truly evil…and fantastic! Thank-you for sharing these.
Evil is a good thing. sometimes.
I’m going to make those ginger cupcakes. Delicious!
Oh gosh, he is just too cute!
Just LOOKING at that BLEEPING picture of Chocolate Heaven has added three inches to my waist, a pound each to my buttocks, and a produced a limitless amount of drool. Damnit! I gotta get me some!!!
Haha! Yeah….since I posted it I’ve been dreaming about it. Must make more this weekend. Need plenty of cold milk to go with. I can actually feel myself getting fatter.
These are happening in our house! Thanks for the idea 🙂
Let me know how they turn out!
Cupcakes llok DEVINE! Fantastic blog Christine 🙂 We are all chocolate monsters here in the office – some more than others! (Me) Sheepskin Lauren