Why Are YOU Here?

Okay, maybe not you, but some people get to my site by searching some pretty strange things.  Some of them are just a funny combination of words to even have in the same search string, and some….Well, let’s just say I hope they don’t have access to young children.

Now, in fairness, I do have to say that some of my blog titles sound like something they aren’t.  Which is intentional.  The classic bait and switch—the provocative title is the bait, and once you read the article, I hope you stay around for more of what I am dishing out.

But that’s not what these are….These are actual searches that people entered into their search bar, and they wound up here.  Imagine their surprise when their search for Sweaty Teen Boys turned up not at all what they had hoped for, but was instead a play-by-play of the 5 hour road trip I took to Dallas with my 13 year old and his friend–right after football practice.

Some I can figure out easily enough how they got here with their search terms.  Some, I have no idea….Be warned.  Be very, very warned.

New:

  • Texanas Sex —(um, I am a chick, and that is all you get to know about that)
  • Mother wears short robe while watching tv sithboy–(I have no idea what this means, but I am sure it must be perverted)
  • womman coverred in marshmellow fuff video–(I’m not sure if the spelling or the imagery is more disturbing)
  • big weenies for boys--(sorry, dude, it isn’t something you can buy)
  • ree drummond feet–(I don’t think Ree has made any such videos thusfar)
  • miracle whip white death–(my thoughts EXACTLY)
  • namesforboobs–(a topic I can actually help you with:  http://texanaskitchen.com/2012/10/18/when-boobs-attack/)
  • what is a texana margarita–(when you found out, let me know)
  • fat grannyangels pics–( I really hope these are hallmark figurines)
  • menbigmeat–(it’s not one word, and I hope you are looking for a 28 oz steak)
  • nun with devil’s dumplings–(HUH?)
  • meth cookies–(those don’t even sound tasty)
  • hot blonde with nice ass–(well, thank you!)
  • almond with teat–(not with my teat, you don’t)
  • stick in the beans so the farts crawl out–(hey, someone finally learned something on my blog!)
  • kitchen boobs–(see Gordon Ramsey)
  • whip it out wednesday–(no, no..here we celebrate White Trash Wednesday or What I Ate Wednesday)
  • eric’s dry sense of humor true blood–(and his bod ain’t so bad either!!!)
  • texana porn girl–(Not now. Not then. Not ever.)
  • reasons of hating math–(math is an instrument of torture devised by Satan)

 

Pervert Alert

  • Girls Gone Wild/Girls Gone Very Wild (120 times!)
  • Mexican Cutie (36 times)
  • Young Teen Shows Her Cupcake
  • Boys Weenies
  • Sweaty Teen Boys/Pics of Sweaty Teen Boys
  • Pictures of My Sweaty Teen
  • Sweaty Dirty Teen Boys
  • Young Teen Boys’ Weenies
  • Hot Sweaty Teen Boys
  • My Hot Granny
  • Granny+Sexy
  • Chinese Granny
  • Granny Loves To Get Whipped (not my Granny, but she would whip your ass for searching such a thing)
  • Granny Babe
  • Granny Pink Wig
  • Nuns Granny (this guy is sooo going to Hell)
  • Granny Nuns
  • Provocative Grannies (there seems to be a vastly perverse interest in grannies)
  • Grannie Nuns Make Love (this guy is so wrong, even Hell won’t take him)
  • Nun Granny Whip
  • Granny Convent
  • Spicy Granny
  • Angels Three Way Granny
  • Girl Gone Wild Boy
  • Sunny Anderson Thickness
  • Fangs Porn
  • Whoopie Sling
  • Nude Girls Hunting Texas
  • Octomom Swimming
  • Texas Titties (well, everything IS bigger in Texas)
  • Other names For Boobs
  • Offensive Names For Boobs
  • Texas Accent Madame (See: The Greatest Little Whore House in Texas)

Hmmmmmm?

  • Octomom Flakey Skin
  • Boys Socks Sweaty Locker Room
  • Fat Boy Nathan
  • Texanas Men
  • Mad Elf Beer Halloween
  • How Did King Louis XVI Dress
  • How does the Navajo Nation react when Bobby Flay makes Navajo Fry Bread? (how do the French people react when I make a souffle? who cares?)
  • Dads Paint Grannies In Kitchen (Just….weird)
  • Woman Licking Hot Chili Pepper
  • Teen Wheat Zilla
  • Pool Table Balls Rolling
  • Scooter Menorah (Not sure why these words end up in the same sentence)
  • Are Teenagers Watching Bridezillas? (well, somebody has to be–it’s still on)
  • Why Did A Hog’s Muscle Keep Twitching After It Was Quartered (it was pissed, and is coming for you in your sleep)
  • Beans, Beans, The Musical Fruit, They Also Make My Rocket Start

Is That A Thing?

  • Dry Ice For Wart Removal
  • Yo Mamma’s SO Sweaty
  • Does Ree Drummond Smell Her Dog’s Feet (yes, like my hound dog’s feet, they smell like corn chips)
  • Shower Drain Smells Like Corn Chips (did you recently give your hound a shower?)
  • keep LSD in Sock Drawer (not what I would recommend, but that’s just me)
  • Where Do Alcoholics Hide Their Stash (try the sock drawer, next to the LSD)
  • Tequila Affecting The Brain
  • Rodeo Clown College
  • Seven Spirits of God Menorah
  • Ceviche Images In Perry Cup

Don’t Eat That!

  • Pioneer Woman Porcupine Recipe
  • Chicken Tits Recipes
  • My Yorkie Ate A Pound Of Cream Cheese (yeah, so?  My blood hound ate 2 pounds of butter)
  • Tequila Grapes
  • Corn Dog With Wart (I. Don’t. Even. Know. What. To Say.)
  • Fondant Lungs
  • Cakes With Babbles
  • Hooter’s Man Brittle
  • Spaghetti Squash Has Gone Bad (oh, the horrors!–throw it out man, for the love of GOD)
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156 Comments on “Why Are YOU Here?”

  1. Becky Doughty
    2012/08/29 at 5:30 pm #

    I’m laughing and crying at the same time… what is this world coming to??? Oh. My. Goodness. Scooter Menorah – that was me after I’d discovered the LSD in the sock drawer.

    • 2012/08/29 at 5:41 pm #

      I’m sorry I didn’t reply to you sooner, but I got my nose stuck in the shower drain I was sniffing.

  2. 2012/08/29 at 5:37 pm #

    Great idea! Why do you have so many x-rated results? How strange. For me, the strangest search that led to my blog was: “my feel a cold sinking just before i fall asleep.”

    • 2012/08/29 at 5:43 pm #

      I know why so many of those search strings end up here. I’m just grossed out that they were searching such things….

  3. 2012/08/29 at 6:52 pm #

    About a year ago, I searched ‘Granny Nuns’ with no restrictions. Your site came up. I’ve never looked back. Sexy.

  4. 2012/08/29 at 7:08 pm #

    So, so awesome. I was disappointed that the Spotted Dick post did not lead to some interesting search traffic.

    • 2012/08/29 at 8:35 pm #

      I hope if someone searched for spotted Dick, the thing that showed up after the actual recipe sites would be the Mayo Clinic or WebMD

  5. 2012/08/29 at 7:09 pm #

    Why am I here? I have Internet-enabled taste buds.

  6. 2012/08/29 at 8:23 pm #

    Haha! Now I will have to go look at mine. I’m sure I could never do better. Corn dog with wart???? ewwwwww

    • 2012/08/29 at 8:36 pm #

      Make sure to come back and share the best ones.

      • 2012/08/29 at 9:37 pm #

        heres the best one of my bunch….not near as good as yours
        recipes for marinating warthog on a spit

      • 2012/08/29 at 9:39 pm #

        That’s pretty funny though…..mmmmmmmm. Warthog.

  7. 2012/08/29 at 11:05 pm #

    these are some weird search terms leading to a blog like yours …. :D

  8. insomniasheep
    2012/08/29 at 11:07 pm #

    This is funny. I just started my blog, and I have no idea how you know how people found you… could you explain to me where I could see this? How do most people find which blogs to read?

    • 2012/08/29 at 11:18 pm #

      In your dashboard, under site stats, there are several breakouts. One shows number of views for the day, one shows other sites that people clicked on your link (Facebook for example), and under that it shows search terms that brought people to your blog….very helpful intel…

  9. 2012/08/30 at 12:38 am #

    Lol! I have had some weird ones, but yours are in another league altogether! I am actually crying with laughter!

  10. 2012/08/30 at 2:45 am #

    What is it with grannies? as one myself I wonder what I’m missing out on?

    • 2012/08/30 at 12:43 pm #

      Apparently there is quite a bit of perverse interest in grannies. And worse, nuns.

  11. 2012/08/30 at 3:31 am #

    Haha fabulously funny :)

  12. insomniasheep
    2012/08/30 at 5:40 am #

    Thanks so much Christine.

  13. 2012/08/30 at 7:29 am #

    I need to start keeping track of mine. The best I’ve ever gotten was ‘facebook sluts Toledo Ohio.”
    Which is also the name of my imaginary punk rock band.

  14. 2012/08/30 at 10:27 am #

    OMG!! ;)

  15. 2012/08/30 at 10:56 am #

    Soooo hilarious…..And the obsession with the grannies…..oh dear. My favorite has to be Fondant Lungs…..ummm? A cake for a doctor?

  16. Fort Bend Food Blog
    2012/08/30 at 10:57 am #

    Oh goodness, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I haven’t had many strange ones yet, but someone the other day searched “high cholesterol” and landed on my blog. Maybe I need to clean up my eating habits or else visit a cardiologist just to check on things.

  17. Mad Scientist
    2012/08/30 at 2:07 pm #

    Well, to clear up some confusion;
    There really is a beer called mad elf, but it is a Christmas beer…though I usually start seeing is about halloween time. Is is made in England, and not half bad, give it a try if you see it. Sold by the single 16oz bottle.

    Also, warts are sometimes removed with liquid nitrogen (Dr. did it to me), so I can see dry ice as a cheap home remedy…not covered by Obama care.

    On the granny thing, I used to tease one of my contractors about granny + other terms….until one day I decided to follow the most obvious web address to see if worked. I stopped making jokes.

    And who cares if octomom has flaky skin…after what she has pulled it is the least she deserves.

    • 2012/08/30 at 3:00 pm #

      Thanks for the Med Elf Beer info…..that at least gives some measure of relief…..I know of warts frozen off with nitrogen too, but by a doctor. In a doctor’s office. I have this vision in my head of some guy buying some dry ice at Wal Mart and giving himself frost bite trying to freeze one off himself..

      And don’t get me started on the Granny thing. Apparently there is much perversion around grannies….

  18. Lynette
    2012/08/30 at 2:42 pm #

    I love this so much! I giggled all the way through. My search terms are seriously tame, or even lame in comparison. Rock on! (My granny would kick your… *snort/giggle)

  19. 2012/08/30 at 3:01 pm #

    This are hilarious and make me feel so much better! I’ve had some snorters one of which was, “woman licken chicken” which kind of sounds creepy, doesn’t it? You had a lot of “granny” things didn’t you? pretty funny!

  20. 2012/08/30 at 4:14 pm #

    These are freaking hilarious.

  21. Primitive
    2012/08/30 at 6:31 pm #

    Ahahahah I can understand every of them, yes…I really can, but “My Hot Granny” is a winner for me, I want to talk to this person

  22. 2012/08/30 at 8:06 pm #

    thanx :) this is so-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 funny–love it:)

  23. 2012/08/30 at 10:20 pm #

    What a great idea! These are all so random. It’s hilarious

    I am here because I’m an experimental (amateur) cook whose recipes would probably get classified under your “Don’t Eat That!” section here. Honestly, I was probably looking for Hot Dog or Spam Recipes, and you had me at Spamorama.

    But now I want to find that Pioneer Woman Porcupine Recipe. Do you think I could use squirrel instead? I’ll let you know how it works out.

    • 2012/08/30 at 11:16 pm #

      Are you Cajun? If you are, you can use squirrel, possum, or raccoon. In fact, I believe it is required in your credo. Otherwise, you might substitute hedgehog for the porcupine…

    • 2012/08/31 at 9:59 am #

      Don’t forget nutria. The State if Louisiana’s web site has several recipes. It’s the state’s official policy to encourage the killing of nutria, so it’s either eat them or skin them (or both).

      Brunswick stew is traditionally made with squirrel.

    • 2012/08/31 at 11:41 pm #

      The nutria might be good, but no on the opossum or raccoon. I can’t find porcupine meat in the city, but my dad used to hunt squirrels, skin and clean em, and my grandmother would make squirrel stew. I think that is so neat. I guess back in the day, people ate a lot of squirrel, but these days that kinda makes you weird. :-D

      • 2012/09/01 at 12:40 am #

        I’ve heard nutria is real good. And I had a a Cajun friend that used to eat stuffed possum belly for Thanksgiving…me, standard wild game is the weirdest I have had….javelina being the weirdest.

    • 2012/09/01 at 2:47 pm #

      There’s a German restaurant around where February is game month. I’ve eaten lion and bear.

      One time I asked the waitress where they get the meat, and she said “Oh, we have a butcher shop downstairs.” That somehow short-circuited with Noah’s Ark, and now all I can picture is the animals walking two by two down the basement stairs.

      (The critters from from game farms.)

      • 2012/09/01 at 9:21 pm #

        I don’t think I could eat lion or bear, or anything else I saw on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom…..

    • 2012/09/02 at 3:56 pm #

      I suppose that includes Marlin Perkins.

  24. 2012/08/30 at 11:07 pm #

    Haha awesome! Great list!

  25. 2012/08/31 at 3:02 am #

    did you steal this idea from me?? I particularly liked the guy who got my blog by searching ‘toilet slaves’… your granny-whipping fan might win the gross-out factor though :)

    • 2012/08/31 at 8:44 am #

      I have seen it on a few blogs, but have been planning it since before…along the same vein as my Spam page. But I think toilet slave might be weirdest.

  26. 2012/08/31 at 11:09 am #

    Went back and looked through mine….not one funny or perverted or disturbing search brought anybody to me. Dang…was hoping for a funny one or two.

  27. 2012/08/31 at 1:57 pm #

    Hilarious!

  28. 2012/08/31 at 2:31 pm #

    I’m here for the perverts of course. Watching them and picking them up. Collecting them in specimen jars for use in future novels. All those comments about toilet slaves – maybe I should be putting that in my tags in future? Hmm. And where are the perverts then? Thought they would be lining up to get in – bring them on.
    What? None left? They’ve all been taken.
    I call that just plain mean. Well you know where to find me if more turn up. Lead them over and I will imprison them for later dissection.

  29. Jaimie
    2012/08/31 at 5:21 pm #

    Hilarious! Why am I here…why to scope out recipes, of course ;)
    Great blog! You speak this foodie’s language!

  30. 2012/08/31 at 7:57 pm #

    Brilliant, hilarious and disturbing all at the same time. That doesn’t happen very often.

  31. 2012/08/31 at 11:39 pm #

    None of this is funny. I wish you weren’t following my blog,but you are. I have no idea why. My blog is clean and wholesome.

    • 2012/08/31 at 11:52 pm #

      I will certainly be sure to unfollow you promptly. But maybe you should actually read some of my blog before speaking.

    • 2012/09/01 at 12:35 am #

      Monica, please tell me you are not serious! This is some tongue-in-cheek joke, right? If not, then, well I don’t know what to say …

  32. 2012/09/01 at 12:51 am #

    Christine–Texas cooking with a pinch of humor. How tasty is that. I think I shorted out my keyboard from drooling all over it reading your recipes. The best to you.

  33. 2012/09/01 at 12:55 am #

    New Rule: People without a sense of humor should really not be blogging…

  34. 2012/09/02 at 1:37 pm #

    funny!

  35. 2012/09/02 at 7:32 pm #

    This is great! too funny.

  36. 2012/09/02 at 7:58 pm #

    For a long time after I published “Dress Code “in June, I kept getting searches for “short shorts with panty hose, so I wrote Dress Code #2 which proposed a chic outfit featuring them worn with a yellow tube top and recommended it as what to wear at a funeral.
    This post made me laugh out loud.

  37. 2012/09/03 at 9:04 am #

    Revenge of the Twitching Hog Muscle – it has Best Seller written all over it! This is what I needed to start my Labor Day. Thank you very kindly, Nikki

  38. 2012/09/03 at 10:30 am #

    This may be a reflection on me but here goes: if we’re voting my hands-down favourite would have to be “Woman Licking Hot Chili Pepper.” That one made me laugh out loud.

    • Mad Scientist
      2012/09/04 at 5:47 pm #

      Possibly that was a Terlingua Chili cookoff poster…if it isn’t it should be

  39. 2012/09/06 at 9:52 am #

    This really made me laugh (though not some of the more paedophilic ones!) and also look at my own blog search terms. They’re a lot less interesting (and disturbing) than yours – must be because my blog is so wholesome… ;-)

    There was one search term that made me laugh though…

    “the stone is broken, whether intentionally or not i don’t know. i think the first name is elsa”

    ??? :-) It’s so specific and… just… odd!

    Some of the others had a kind of surreal quality to them – it made me want to put them together into a poem or something. If I do, I’ll tell you! :-)

  40. 2012/09/06 at 10:21 am #

    Ok I’ve done it! Each line is a complete and separate search term or string. I’ve added nothing except punctuation and capitals.

    When photographing the leaves closely how does the leaf appear?
    Autumn beech
    Shivering in a stormy sky,
    Fake tree branches with metal core.

    Foraging thistles,
    Wild strawberry plant at little river.
    Scleroderma heart
    Ceanothus autumnal blue.

    Plastic stag,
    Doves strutting.
    Psychedelic lichen
    Turkey tails in trees

    Skyfall explosion,
    Most amazing metamorphosis.
    Trees in lashing rain,
    What if newts cant get out of pond?

    Happy insert
    Twisty tree roots.
    Young anenome
    Foraging old mans beard.

    How are bees the same as helicopters?
    Pond life lime green eggs.
    Milne Vienna Lucy
    Foraging sorrel.

    The stone is broken, whether intentionally or not I don’t know. I think the first name is Elsa.
    :-)

    • 2012/09/06 at 10:31 am #

      That. Is. AWESOME! You are right, those search terms are far more surreal, almost ethereal, really. Very cool!

  41. 2012/09/06 at 10:37 am #

    Glad you like it – I do too! Thank you for inspiring it!

    I might do a blog post about it, although it’s a bit of a departure from what I normally blog about. Mind you, I guess it certainly reflects the themes of my blog!

  42. 2012/09/06 at 4:57 pm #

    Well thank you Christine – you inspired this blog post! http://theforagingphotographer.wordpress.com/2012/09/06/the-poetry-of-search-terms/

  43. 2012/09/06 at 11:50 pm #

    Laughing to tears! I feel very left out as none of mine are anywhere as ridiculously creative as yours. But then, it’s your comments that make it fun reading :)

  44. 2012/09/07 at 2:22 pm #

    Ok Christine, carried away with the enthusiasm of my search term poem writing, I have composed a poem from yours. Shall I post it here or email it to you?

  45. 2012/09/09 at 9:42 am #

    Hi! I wound up here when I noticed you were following my blog…thank you, btw! Love your site!

  46. 2012/09/16 at 12:28 am #

    I got here because you followed my blog! I’m glad you did! This is some funny stuff! How did you get to my blog? :P

    • 2012/09/16 at 1:08 am #

      I spend a lot of time laughing through the humor category in the Reader!

      • 2012/09/16 at 11:12 am #

        Nice! I hope our blog can get a laugh or two out of you :)

  47. 2012/09/18 at 7:26 pm #

    These were unbelievable! Just when I think I have a grasp on the absurdity of people’s thought processes…I am not sure anyone has ever used a search term to find my blog. I don’t even know if my blog comes up on Google at all…proving again that technology is not my closest friend (see my post “Rewinding DVDs” for more proof). I think I found your blog because you found MY blog. I truly enjoy your posts, and I look forward to reading many more!! Blessings to you!

  48. Drunken Gay Slut
    2012/09/27 at 6:38 pm #

    best thing ever. also, i can completely sympathize: most of the time, my search results are “drunk slut,” “gay slut,” “indian slut,” disney sluts,” etc.

    (which totally make sense, obvi, but still. it makes me sad for the future of our species)

    • 2012/09/27 at 10:55 pm #

      Yes! It’s not that I don’t get how their search string landed them on my blog….it’s just why did they search that in he first place? What exactly is a Disney Slut, I wonder?

  49. 2012/10/16 at 6:02 pm #

    Ha ha ha! Nice section of your blog, thanks!

  50. 2012/10/18 at 9:13 am #

    You are quite entertaining….. does it come naturally, and more importantly, how much time do you spend blogging and doing blog-related stuff? going into my 4th month – and I must say that this kinda stuff saps up my time, when I let it….

    • 2012/10/18 at 10:59 am #

      Hi! Thank you. I guess it does come naturally–it is sort of a catharsis for the work related stress of my day job. I spend a few hours every night doing the networking and outreach type of stuff. And then I spend several hours each weekend cooking, creating recipes, and writing blog posts. If you love it, it doesn’t seem like work. If you don’t, then it would probably not be fun for very long…

    • 2012/10/18 at 12:34 pm #

      Well put. At the moment, I am loving it… almost like a crutch, and very addictive. And the thing is, by the time I look up from the screen, 3 hours have passed! Usually sit in front of the TV, but not really concentrating on that. Unless it’s Toddler’s ‘n Tiara’s… How long have been keeping up the fort? And how do you get advertisers on your blog?

      • 2012/10/18 at 2:03 pm #

        I just hit a year on October 3rd. Actually, Ive been doing it 2.5 years, but the first 1.5 I wasn’t really serious, only posted sporadically, and just had a handlful of followers. I moved over to WordPress a year ago, and decided to knockle down and do it for real. The advertisers come when you have reached a certain amount of traffic on your blog. I don’t know what that number is, as WP sent me an invite to participate in their BETA program when they first rolled out WordAds…..You can email them to inquire about it. Unlike other blogging platforms, regular advertisers cannot work with you to place ads on your blog. This is because WP doesn’t allow scripting to run on their platform, as it can be a threat. You can only work through Word Ads.

        The best way to drive traffic and engagement on your blog is to actively engage others. Read other blogs, leave comments, follow blogs you like. Respond to comments that people leave on your blog. It’s all about community. I make it a habit to comment on at least 25 other blogs each night, and it has really paid off. I have more followers, wayyyy more comment love, and have met some really fascinating people! Keep it up!

  51. 2012/10/18 at 2:42 pm #

    thanks for the info. for the first 2 months, I also just about managed about 1 post a week. Currently, I post at least once a day… I try to get around the blogosphere, but have grown weary of blogs that only seem to be in it for the ‘hits’? I.e. content boring, and they are just random ‘liking’ …. Do you actually earn bucks from your site?

    • 2012/10/19 at 8:39 am #

      mmm, good to know. In South Africa, we are at least a year behind, I am sure, when it comes to technology and it’s trends…. I would love it if I could just get the odd mid-week break, or test-run products. That would be fun!!
      Especially wine and/ or meds!

  52. 2012/10/22 at 9:10 am #

    Beautiful blog, Christine. Ant I totally understand the “reasons.” I wrote about the same thing about a year ago. Amazing what must be on some people’s minds.

    • 2012/10/22 at 10:44 am #

      Yes, some of the search strings are really disturbing. It does give me some measure of joy to know that when they search Sexy Granny Nuns, and it brings them to my page, they instead get a wholesome story about my beautiful grandmother helping the Sisters of The Incarnate Word in the convent, by baking, organizing rummage sales, etc….

  53. 2012/10/23 at 6:13 pm #

    I’m ridiculously jealous of your awesome search terms. No seriously. I get recipe search terms and that’s about it. Well, maybe there’s a few gems in there, but none that are anywhere as good as yours.
    If I ever get some more, I’m borrowing your idea and creating a spam page because that’s just… awesome.

    • 2012/10/23 at 7:16 pm #

      Heh heh….I have some fairly teasey blog titles, which drives some of that..

    • 2012/10/23 at 9:37 pm #

      I know! I need to get better at that. Maybe since I’m now making my blog randomness WITH food I can come up with a few fun titles.
      I have read through your list like three times and I just crack up (out loud) every time. haha

  54. 2012/10/23 at 7:24 pm #

    Does anyone remember the TV show “The Naked Chef”? I’ll bet that would attract some attention.

    • 2012/10/23 at 8:15 pm #

      Yes! That was Jaime Oliver.

      • 2012/10/24 at 5:37 pm #

        It’s a good thing it wasn’t Julia Child.

      • 2012/10/24 at 9:29 pm #

        Of Mario Batali….

    • 2012/10/25 at 7:49 am #

      Now, I am totally put off Beef Boullioun, or whatever. Julia’s boobs and butt are best left unseen – in her girdle.

  55. 2012/10/24 at 1:17 pm #

    Chicken tits recipes? Obviously in cahoots with your duck boobs thing I told you to change. Too funny.

  56. 2012/10/29 at 12:14 am #

    These are hilarious and well, some are down right disturbing, too. But I loved reading this and will be back for a visit more often. Thanks for stopping by my blog, too, so I could track back to yours!

    • 2012/10/29 at 10:04 am #

      Thank you! Yes, some of the searches make me pause and worry about the human condition! But they do crack me up!

  57. 2012/11/06 at 11:55 am #

    Oh my gosh. This is hysterical!!!! I also get some strange search terms pop up on my stats page, but you have certainly taken the cake on this one! I am really loving your blog. A very creative and entertaining way to read about food!!! Glad you stopped by my blog so it could lead me back to yours!

  58. 2012/11/16 at 8:55 pm #

    hey Christine,
    Thank you for following my blog Hail to the Kale!
    So much has changed in my life in the few short months since starting the blog, and I wanted to make some changed to reflect that….I may have messed thing up, but in case I didn’t you can now find me at thehappybakery.wordpress.com.
    I will be doing some other stuff to the blog, but for now just the address & name have changed. Thanks for you support.

    In Kindess,
    Jennifer (the happy baker)

  59. 2012/11/23 at 12:12 am #

    Hahaha!! This is so funny!! :-)

  60. ROFL! Mad libs GONE MAD! :D

  61. 2012/12/19 at 5:19 pm #

    Just checked out my search terms…..yawn….totally boring….nothing that even cracked a smile….. :( Lucky this gave me my laugh for the day :D

  62. 2013/03/25 at 1:53 am #

    Keep on writing, great job!

  63. 2013/03/27 at 1:36 pm #

    I guess by now yu have figured it out. Just like to see some interesting recopies :) DId yu give me a visit. Kinda different eh

  64. 2013/03/30 at 7:40 pm #

    Love this page. Sometimes I look at the search terms for my site and shake my head but never had anything like yours. Maybe I need to start upping my titles… but on the other hand maybe I won’t! Perhaps a couple were typos… or not. Wow!

    • 2013/03/30 at 11:56 pm #

      I know, right? Some seriously twisted people out there. They must be so disappointed when they search for these things and find what’s on my page!

      • 2013/03/31 at 7:39 am #

        Hopefully they will get some good influence! :)

  65. 2013/03/31 at 11:42 am #

    Hi, Thank you for following my blog. To be honest, after seeing your blog, i am suprised and also glad that you liked my blog. Especially considering that i am pretty new to blogging. Thank you again. :)

    • 2013/03/31 at 1:53 pm #

      I try to keep an eye on all food trends, even if I don’t follow them. Sometimes my readers ask for recipes or advise in areas that I can’t really help, so I like to know where to refer them! And I do incorporate small changes when I can.

  66. 2013/04/05 at 7:35 am #

    LOVE this page!! Thanks for checking out my blog and following! I’m excited to keep up with some of these hilarious adventures!

  67. 2013/04/07 at 6:47 pm #

    I wonder, is there such a thing as blogging just for the search terms? :)

  68. 2013/04/10 at 1:59 am #

    I fear for the future of mankind…

  69. 2013/04/18 at 5:25 pm #

    Must be doing something wrong (or right) as I’ve never had an URL string that’s even remotely pervy! How funny are yours?!? Hysterical.

    • 2013/04/18 at 5:44 pm #

      Admittedly my titles are often saucy….but they must be so disappointed when they resd the content.

  70. 2013/04/18 at 6:54 pm #

    Your post titles are the funniest around the blogosphere, and I can see where searches might go awry…but not perverted as the ones you have shared. Thanks for this; I laughed till I cried! :0)

  71. 2013/04/18 at 9:12 pm #

    Oh my God…how do you find these?

    • 2013/04/18 at 11:40 pm #

      Look at your stats page….toward the bottom on the left it will show you what search strings people used that led them to your blog. It shows today, and you can click on yesterday…but there is another hyperlink that says “summary”. Click that and you can look at one week back, one quarter, or all time…..it’s quite funny. And disturbing.

      • 2013/04/19 at 10:01 am #

        Thanks…and wow this is so strange…

  72. 2013/04/19 at 12:10 am #

    This is hilarious and disturbing…I am scared to look at the search strings for my blog. I’ve been wondering why some creepy bloggers have any interest in coming to my tame and ordinary one…but I don’t REALLY want to know, so I won’t look at my search strings quite yet. And thank you for checking out my blog. Yours is great.

  73. 2013/04/19 at 2:32 am #

    Excellent, made me laugh before my first coffee of the day. ..not an easy thing to do!

  74. 2013/04/19 at 4:14 pm #

    Oh my gosh, I was SO not expecting to laugh so hard when I started reading this post — I have tears rolling down my face! I had no idea people actually…that those searches would lead to your….well, I just had no idea, LOL!!

  75. 2013/04/19 at 9:08 pm #

    I’m feeling left out. The oddest search term that’s come my way is “zinnia Schwartz.”

  76. 2013/04/22 at 3:26 am #

    i finally understand: in order to get more hits on my blog i must write about food!!!! ;-)

  77. 2013/04/22 at 9:48 am #

    reading all that made my stomach growl for some reason.

  78. ohlidia
    2013/04/24 at 3:20 pm #

    Oh! That is too funny! I can’t believe it…

  79. 2013/04/27 at 1:48 pm #

    There’s certainly a lot of ways to your little corner of the world.

  80. 2013/05/02 at 10:01 pm #

    You are hilarious! I’ve just found your blog as you visited mine (thanks so much), and I am going to take my sweet (Texas) time reading it! Might I know where in Texas you are?

    • 2013/05/02 at 10:37 pm #

      I’m in Boerne…30 miles northwest of San Antonio!

      • 2013/05/03 at 1:31 pm #

        Not heard of Boerne until now but I’m familiar with San Antonio. Lovely there!

  81. 2013/05/04 at 9:57 am #

    I absolutely love this page and I have noticed some strange search things on my blog as well (even though it’s just a new little baby blog, people have gotten there by some weird searches!). With your permission I’d like to “copy” your idea! LOVE IT!!

    • 2013/05/04 at 11:33 am #

      Go right ahead! It’s low hanging fruit, and makes for easy material when needed.

  82. 2013/05/04 at 1:29 pm #

    Best. Blogpost. Ever! Laughed all the way through, thanks for that!

    I’m here cos you followed my blog (or liked a blogpost of mine, I can’t be sure now).

    Have an awesome day :)

  83. 2013/05/06 at 1:39 pm #

    I think I might know what the ‘Devil’s Dumplings’ and nun thing is about. There’s a British humor show from the 80s called BlackAdder the Second set in the Elizabethan times. There’s one show where the main character is trying to convince his Puritan Uncle and Aunt to put him in his will by being devout while also holding a drinking competition with friends in another room at the same time. And he stuffs Queen Elizabeth the first in a closet for a while too.

    The Aunt is kind of dressed like a nun and she uses the phrase “Devil’s Dumplings” as a name for breasts.

  84. 2013/05/13 at 2:49 pm #

    Funny, Funny. I’ll have to pay more attention to mine but my titles are not as interesting as yours. What gets me is don’t these people have spell ck.

  85. 2013/08/12 at 8:34 pm #

    Haha well I found you by you finding me… If that makes sense! I do love to look at stats it can be too funny. I’m glad I stopped by, I ended up subscribing because your blog looks interesting and you seem to have a sense of humor. Thanks for checking out my blog :)

  86. 2013/09/14 at 2:50 pm #

    thats too funny! I never get any that interesting, but I’m just getting started. Thanks for stopping by my blog and liking it. Keep up the good work here :-)

  87. 2013/11/14 at 11:40 am #

    You showed up on my blog first. I’m glad you did. Now I’ll have to go see what searches brought folks to Lessons by Heart. I’m a little hesitant after reading your list. ;)

    Hey – how did you find me? (And thanks for the follow.)

    Love the recipes. I used to be a “foodie” when all seven kids were at home. Now that it’s just hubby and me, not so much. Who wants to spend all day cooking for two?

    Have a fantastic day!

    \o/
    Praising Jesus who created good ingredients for us to cook with!

    • 2013/11/14 at 1:33 pm #

      Haha! Yes, some of my visitors got here by less than desirable searches, for sure. Your page was a recommendation by WordPress.

  88. 2014/01/23 at 2:47 pm #

    Hi there, I read your blogs like every week.

    Your writing style is witty, keep up the good work

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