The standard fair offerings are always available, such as corndogs, funnel cakes, and onion blossoms, but if you don’t want to un-eat your lunch when you ride the Gravitron, leave the super heavy, greasy fair food behind. Eat some of the fresh made foods that the locals are showcasing. You and the crowd beneath the Super Loop will be grateful.

Here is just a very small representation of the annual events happening around me in Texas each year….

Poteet Strawberry Festival—Poteet, Texas, about 30 minutes south of San Antonio, celebrating the strawberry harvest. You may see strawberry shortcake, strawberry jam, strawberry wine, strawberry kebabs, and various strawberry beverages….And of course, music, dancing, and a rodeo.

Cornyval—Helotes, Texas, just on the northern outskirts of San Antonio, celebrating corn. You’ll find corn cups, roasted corn on the cob and corn pone. Music, dancing, and rodeo fill the weekend’s activity roster.

Freer Rattlesnake Roundup—Freer is in south Texas, in an area once known as the Wild Horse Desert. The only things that really grow there are oil, dirt, and scrub brush. With no crops to celebrate, the area celebrates one of the many hearty animal species that call Freer home—the rattlesnake. There are rattlesnake races, rattlesnake handlers, and you’re sure to find your fair share of snakeskin boots, belts and wallets. Of course, there will be music, dancing, and a rodeo. And guess what? Fried rattlesnake tastes like chicken.

Luling Watermelon Thump—Luling is about 45 miles southeast of Austin, celebrating watermelons. There are watermelon eating contests, seed spitting contests, and the grand champion watermelon growing contest. Expect to find watermelon wine, watermelon wedges, watermelon drinks, and other fresh watermelon goodies. There will be music, dancing, and a rodeo. Go figure.

Stonewall Peach Jamboree—Stonewall and Fredericksburg are north of San Antonio about 45 miles in an area famous for its peaches. Not the giant but flavorless peaches that come from somewhere else, but the small, super juicy, highly flavorful ones that you can eat by the bushel. Peach jam, peach cobbler, peach pie are all expected offerings, but try the peach salsa and peach ice cream too. There is a Peach Pit Spit, and various baking competitions…You may not believe this, but there will be music, dancing, and a rodeo.

Aransas Pass Shrimporee—Aransas Pass, Texas, about 20 miles from Corpus Christi, celebrating the local shrimping industry. Are you ready Forrest Gump fans? There are fried shrimp, grilled shrimp, shrimp kebabs, bbq shrimp, boiled shrimp, shrimp po-boys, shrimp burgers, shrimp salads and shrimp gumbo. Thankfully, there is no shrimp wine. Should I mention at this point that there will be music, dancing, and a rodeo?

New Braunfels Wurst Fest (Sausage Festival)—New Braunfels, Texas is about 30 miles north of San Antonio, and was settled by Germans. Hellll-O! They had me at Sausage….If Germans appreciate anything, it’s sausage and beer. Expect a lot of both. Sausage wraps, sausage sandwiches, sausage on a stick, and pretty much anything you could think to make with sausage. Lots of german mustards, and plenty of beer to wash it all down. Apparently the Germans also like music, dancing, and rodeos.

Okay, so obviously in Texas, music, dancing and rodeos are synonymous with fairs. Maybe in your state it is tractor pulls, horse racing, fishing tournaments, or log splitting events. Perhaps pig calling contests and bull frog races.

Whatever the local traditions, these events are great ways to discover and explore your area, meet local friends, teach your children about their heritage (or someone else’s), and have some good, clean, old fashioned fun while you’re at it.

I am sharing recipes for the foods that I enjoy the most at our local fairs……Not only are these simple to prepare at home, but together they make a great meal, and are much healthier alternatives to usual “fair food”.

Beef Anticuchos and Roasted Corn

Anticuchos (Beef Kebabs)

Serves 8

• 4 pounds sirloin, cut into 2 inch chunks
• 2 cups red wine vinegar
• 6 cloves garlic, smashed
• ½ cup olive oil
• 1 can beer
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 1 tablespoon ground pepper

Place meat into gallon size ziplock bag. Mix remaining ingredients and pour over eat. Place in a baking pan in the refrigerator for 2-3 days. Yes, days.

Thread onto skewers. Grill over hot coals or flame, 5 minutes on each side or until desired doneness.

Fresh Roasted Corn

Roasted Corn

Serves 8

Roasted corn is one of the most popular fair foods sold in Texas venues. It is delicious eaten with nothing on it, but is traditionally served with a selection of toppings for people to dress it up how they wish.

8 ears corn on the bob (do not shuck)

Popular toppings: melted butter, mayonnaise, chili powder, lemon pepper, lime wedges, finely chopped cilantro, finely crumbled cotija cheese, chili limon seasoning, Louisiana hot sauce.

Peel the husks back from the corn, trying not to remove them. Remove the silks, and carefully replace the husks back over the corn. Tie the end with a piece of husks to secure it. Roast over low coals, not over direct flame, and with the lid closed, for half an hour. Remove to serving platter.

To serve, simply peel the husks down, but leave them on. They will serve as a handle for eating. Allow each person to choose and dress their corn how they wish.

Varation: Corn cups—cut the roasted corn from the cobs, and place in cups. Allow each diner to mix in his/her choice of toppings

Roasted Corn with Chili Limon and Cotija Cheese

Strawberry Lemonade

Strawberry Lemonade

Super refreshing!!

• 4 cups water
• 1 ½ cups sugar
• 2 cups of fresh lemon juice
• 1 pint fresh ripe strawberries, hulled and sliced

Boil water and sugar until sugar is dissoled—less than one minute. Pour into pitcher. Add lemon juice. Puree strawberries in a blender until thoroughly pureed. Add to pitcher and stir. Chill until ready to serve.

Serve over ice, with lemon and strawberry slices to garnish.

Peach Pies

Fried Peach Pies

Pastry:

• 1 can (12-13 oz.) evaporated milk
• 1 egg, beaten
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 cup plus 1 teaspoon shortening

Mix milk and egg together and set aside.  In a mixing bowl, mix flour, salt and sugar.  Cut in shortening until mixture resembes coarse meal.  Stir in milk and egg mixture, and work it until a nice dough comes together.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours.

Filling:

• 3 pounds fresh peaches, peeled, seeded and chopped (or 4 cups frozen)
• ¾ sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 3 Tablespoons granulated tapioca
• oil, for deep frying

Place all ingredients into stock pot, and bring to simmer over medium heat. Cook until thickened, about 5 minutes. Cool completely.

To assemble: roll dough out into 1/8” thickness……Cut into 4-6” circles using large bisquit cutters, or the rim of a large glass. Place a bit of filling on half of each circle, and fold the other half over it. Crimp edges with a fork. If filling is oozing out, use less.

Fry in hot oil at 365* until golden, about 4 minutes. Toss in sugar if desired, and allow to cool on wire rack.

Alternately, you can bake at 350* for 30 minutes.

Pulling it all together…

But  any doubt that I was aging died a few weeks ago, when my baby boy had to go to the Emergency Room.  When they brought in his discharge papers to sign, they handed the clipboard to HIM. Not to me, his mommy, but to HIM!  Lady, I don’t care if he does have five o’clock shadow and a voice like Al Green—you best hand me those papers! Screw HIPPA!  And then, proud parent moment, he actually read them before signing.

Cherub faced little rug rat

In my head, he is still the cherub faced little rug rat playing with Hot Wheels, and watching continuous loop footage of The Lion King.  How is he driving a lifted pick-up truck?  Why is he taking Business Calculus, instead of learning his ABC’s?  Why is that little girl in the lake with him wearing a string bikini instead of a ruffled tutu bathing suit?  Where are their floaties? Why is he going to work this morning?  I’ll tell you why!

Because I am OLD.

I don’t remember it happening.  It just happened.  Only yesterday my husband and I were chasing toddlers, and then we woke up and we have these two pre-men in our house.  They are growing hair everywhere—EVERYWHERE—and they don’t smell like baby powder and chicken nuggets anymore.

So if that happened to them, something has to have happened to me, right?

A precursory look in the mirror, reveals—nothing.  I am pretty sure I look the same as I did in college.  It’s just that the college kids today look like they are in fifth grade, right?  Right? Shut up! Who asked you?!

So upon closer inspection, I see—no gray hair—that’s good.  Okay, so I see some very fine lines between my eyebrows, where I frown at the computer.  It must be creases in my make-up, so I remove my make-up.  Wait…Why are the lines still there?  And when I put my eyeliner on, and add the little tail at the end, why does the tail seem to droop?  I’ll tell you why!

Because my son signed his own paperwork at the Hospital.  Because he is taking Business Calculus. Because he is driving a lifted pick-up truck to work every day.  And because the girl riding shotgun is not in a booster seat, and she is not wearing a ruffled tutu bathing suit.

But I don’t feel old.  I think my children have grown up around me, and I am still 25.  The day that I look in the mirror and think I look my age will be the same day I make an appointment for Botox injections between my eyes.  If my hair gets gray, no problem—L’Oreal has a solution!  I will not, as the commercials  say, grow old gracefully.  I will fight it every step of the way.

Until I need to ring up Doctor 90210, I only need periodic rejuvenation of my mind and soul.  Two things that take me back so quickly, and so perfectly to my childhood, are my sense of smell, and my taste buds.  And when my nose smells something cooking that I enjoyed as a child, it is a double WHAMMY, guaranteed to bring me warm and fuzzy feelings.  Like I am a little girl in a ruffled tutu bathing suit, eating lunch my granny prepared.

Below, I am sharing one of my favorite comfort foods from my childhood.  Porcupine balls. No, no!   This isn’t a “rocky mountain oyster” sort of thing.  Porcupine balls are ground beef mixed with rice, formed into balls, and pan-fried and simmered in gravy. 

Please enjoy!

Porcupine Meatballs

Porcupine Meatballs   

Serves 6-8

Meatballs

• 2 pounds lean ground beef
• 1 envelopes onion soup mix
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 2 teaspoons black pepper
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 cups long grain rice (not cooked)
• 1 cups water

Gravy

• 1 can condensed French onion soup
• 2 cans condensed golden mushroom soup
• 1 cans water

Combine meatball ingredients in a large bowl.  Roll into 2” balls.  Fry in a large skillet until browned on all sides.  Mix soups and water together in a large bowl, and pour over meatballs.  Cover, reduce heat, and simmer for 30 minutes.

You have your meat and starch covered….Just serve with a salad or other vegetable!

Captain Crunch and Marshmallow Cookies

I don’t buy much in the way of convenience food, so even when the pantry and fridge are bursting at the seams, my son is right when he says “Mooooom, there’s nothing to eat”–because although there may be 50 pounds of various meats in the fridge, and many assorted grains and veggies, he doesn’t cook. He CAN cook, but he simply chooses NOT to.

He is limited to the ramen noodles that I buy him by the case, which he WILL cook, and to cereal, which he never eats. 

What kind of kid doesn’t eat cereal?  And it’s not because I buy stuff like All-Bran and Granola, because I don’t. Cereal is the one thing that I buy the sugariest, most processed varieties, because, listen up:

“My name is Christine, and I am a junk cereal junky”

I don’t actually buy it often, because I know this about myself…..But…..I love, love, LOVE Captain Crunch, Apple Jacks, Fruity Pebbles, and Super Sugar Crisp. But the Captain is my favorite.  Regular. with Crunchberries. Peanut Butter Crunch. All of it. But the original is my personal Waterloo.  It is my favorite late night snack. I put it on my ice cream, and use it for the BEST fried shrimp and chicken tender breading you could ever eat. FOR REAL! Don’t believe me?  Check out my recipe for Captain Crunch Fried Shrimp by clicking RIGHT HERE.

I have long been daydreaming of making a cookie with Captain Crunch…Can you imagine how much crispy buttery goodness?

I finally went and bought the stuff, and also happened to notice that now they sell tiny Rolos and Snickers, about ½” in size—and wouldn’t those make great substitutes for chocolate chips?

So, last night I played with cookie dough…A lot.

I made one dough, and three different batches of cookies—Captain Crunch and Marshmallow, Rolo and Salted Pretzel, and Mini Snickers….

The Captain Crunch and Marshmallow, as predicted, are my FAVORITE new cookie…

Enjoy!

Fixin’  Cookies

• 1 cup butter, melted
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 t vanilla
• 1 t salt
• 1 t baking soda
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 3 cups “fixin’s” of your choice (see below for suggestions)

In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugars until well mixed.  Beat in eggs, one at a time. Stir in vanilla.  In a medium bowl, mix together flour, salt and baking soda.  Add flour mixture to butter mixture, one half at a time, beating until well combined.  Carefully fold in your fixin’s.  Using either a 2” cookie dough scoop, or walnut size pieces of dough, drop rounds 3 inches apart onto a parchment lined baking sheet.  Bake at 350* for 12-15 minutes (I like mine a little gooey, so I do 12)

Allow to cool on sheet for five minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool.

Suggested Fixin’s

Captain Crunch and Marshmallow—fold in 1 ½ cups each of Captain Crunch cereal and miniature marshmallows

Rolo and Salted Pretzels—fold in 1 ½ cups crushed pretzel rods and tiny Rolo candies

Snickers—fold in three cups of tiny Snickers

Cracker Jack—fold in one cup each of kettle corn, peanuts, and toffee chips

 Try whatever you wish…if it sounds good, try it.  The worst case scenario is it doesn’t turn out.  Try something else.  Have fun.

PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD.

Since there is no Rosetta Stone or Pimsleur program available for you in learning Texan, I am offering this training to you free of charge.

If you are planning on travelling or moving to Texas, you will need to study up on the language and customs. You know, just like you would if you were visiting any other country. 

It isn’t that you will offend someone if you shake with the wrong hand, or slurp your soup at the dinner table. It’s that if you don’t understand a few things, you won’t be able to order food, understand directions, or blend in seamlessly to your new environment.

I will cover the 4 basic topics of Culture (Livin’), Clothing (Wearin’), Language (Talkin’), and Cuisine (Eatin’).

Livin’:

This could take up volumes, so I’ll reduce it to its basest elements. The “Texas Code” has appeared in one form or another for many years. One version was made famous in a Frost Bank commercial in the late 90’s. My version, which hangs on the wall in my bedroom, pretty much sums up the ideals by which a Texan strives to live thusly: 

 I’ll be as hearty of mind as I am of body.

I’ll be a straight shooter and a square dealer.

I’ll honor my mama, my daddy,

and my God.

My family name will be sacred and

my word will be as good as any contract.

I’ll remember the Alamo,

Buy American,

stick by my friends and

eat more chicken fried steak.

Oh, and the only two sports you need to know about are Football (Friday Night Lights) and Rodeo.

Yes, that’s a real bull. Yes, it’s stuffed.

Mad Max The Rodeo Clown

And hunting isn’t a sport, it’s a way of life….

 

The Next Generation

Wearin’:

Men only really need jeans, several pairs of cowboy boots (only made in America), plain white t-shirts, and button down shirts. You can change your look from casual to business attire simply by switching from a baseball cap to a cowboy hat.

The hubs and I……Isn’t he handsome in his cowboy hat?

For formal events, a Texas Tux will usually suffice. This involves the wearing of a tuxedo shirt and black tails on top, over jeans and boots on bottom. A black felt or silver belly cowboy hat should finish it off. You may or may not choose to have your bow tie and cummerbund match your sweetheart’s dress.

My sister, my son, and my photo-bombing husband…

Swimming attire would include trunks—never speedo type apparel. Boots may still be worn, or flip-flops.

Or maybe these:

For women, the same wardrobe would apply here as anywhere, except that American made boots are always an acceptable choice of footwear. Even for brides, at proms, and in a bikini on the beach. Any outfit that cannot be worn with boots just ought not be worn at all. After all, we must protect our legs from mosquitos, cacti, and rattlesnakes.

Sandals are acceptable when you wish to show off a new pedicure.

King Ranch handbags make acceptable accessories.

Talkin’:

First of all, we drop the “g” off of most words that end in “ing”. Not when we write ‘em, but when we say ‘em.  And like I just illustrated, we drop some baggage off the front end of words like “them”.  We don’t do this because we are stupid. We do it to save time. Because we tend to be chatty. The more letters and syllables we can drop, the more words we can get into a conversation in the time we have.

For example, if a visitor in New York asks a local how to get to Main Street, they might hear “What do I look like? A goddamn road map?” I’m not trying to slight the many lovely New Yorkers I know, it’s just that this is a true story..that actually happened…in real life.

I am also not saying that it couldn’t happen in Texas. It’s just not likely that it would.

When asking the same question in Texas, what is likely to happen is that you might hear:

“well, just go yonder about 2 miles, and then turn right at the Wilson place..you know Billy Ray never did get that little gal from Sweet Water to marry him…Then go about ½ mile fuh-ther to that big oak tree, you know the one that Old Man Johnson parked his tractor in a few years back, you can still see the green paint…take a slight left there, and about 3 miles more will take you right to it, quick as that….”

Also for the sake of economy, we may run words together, making one word where 5 used to be:

“checkthawlferya”—Often spoken by the lanky feller at the full service gas station, he is asking if he can check the oil for you.

“fixintuh”–preparing to, getting ready to…..as in “I’m fixin’ to go to the store“  As a noun, a fixin’ is a side dish to your supper.

Some years back, I was the newly hired HR Manager at a Home Depot. I was being trained by a peer that wasn’t from here. One of the department heads, Robert, popped in to say he was going for lunch, as he was starved and hadn’t eaten all day. What seemed a very short time later, he popped back by my door, and the following exchange took place:

I looked up and said “Djeetyet?”

To which he replied ”yeah, I just grabbed a subway and came back”

“cool….see ya later”

My HR peer looked at me and asked what I had said to Robert. I didn’t get what she didn’t get, so I said

“Huh? You mean ‘see you later’?…”

“no, not that….he came in and you said something to him and he said he had just grabbed a subway….what did you say to him?”

I really had to think hard, as I could not imagine what was so perplexing…

I looked at her and said “Djeetyet?”

“YES!”she said, “THAT!”…..”what did you say just then?”

So I looked at her, and spoke very, very slowly, enunciating my words very clearly, so that she might understand.

“Did…….you…….eat……..yet?”

Texan is a hard language to learn, apparently……

Also, we LOVE the imagery of a good analogy or other comparative statement:

“He was nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs”

“That’ll go over like a toot in Church”

“He was busy as a one-legged man in a butt kickin’ contest”

“Rode hard and put away wet”….When you are done riding a horse, the sweat should be dried off of him before he is turned out (particularly in cold weather), lest he catch a cold. If someone says you look like you’ve been rode hard and put away wet, he is not paying you a compliment.

Reagan and Cherry Pie

“Been all over Hell and half of Texas”….This means that you have covered a huge area—done a lot of travelling. Obviously….Since Hell is infinity huge, and Texas is even bigger.

Eatin’

You’ll need to understand a few basic terms to get by in Texas.

BBQ—to cook large pieces of meat “low and slow” over indirect heat or hot smoke. Brisket, ribs, half chickens, pork roasts and whole hogs are examples of BBQ. Hamburgers and hot dogs are NOT barbecue. In Texas, the Holy Grail of BBQ is the brisket. Expect great debate over which type of wood makes the best BBQ. I like mesquite.

Beans—The only kind of beans are pinto beans. Cooked with bacon or salt pork, and beer. They may also have onion, jalapeno, Rotel and cilantro. Beans are never sweet and sticky.

Chili—this NEVER comes out of a can, and does NOT have beans in it. (please note however, that wars have been fought over the beans versus no beans opinion)   If it is made correctly, it will clear your sinuses for days.

Coke—This is a carbonated beverage of any variety. For example:

“While yer in there, can you get me a coke?”

“Sure, what kind?”

“A Grape Crush”.

If you actually want a Coke, you order a Co-cola. 

Real Men Drink Coke Straight Up

Gravy—It is white, it is thick, and it is flecked with pepper. It may be tan if made with pan drippings, but otherwise is never brown and smooth. If you get smooth, brown, shiny gravy in a Texas establishment, the proprietor is a Yankee.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that–but it’s a geographical fact.

Grill—to cook over direct heat at higher temperatures. Much faster than BBQ. Hamburgers and hot dogs are grilled, as are steaks, vegetables, chicken breasts and seafood.

Smoke—to cook or dry meat using warm or cold smoke. The process can take hours or days, drying the meat to preserve it. Jerkey, bacon, ham and dried sausage are examples.

Tea—Calling it sweet tea or iced tea is redundant. Tea is always iced and always sweet. If you want it otherwise, you have to ask for it special.

********************************************************************************

Few foods are as quintessentially Texan as brisket, chili, or chicken fried steak, but there are a few.

King Ranch Chicken is a popular casserole said to have originated on the famously ginormous King Ranch. It is best described as being like a chicken enchilada casserole, made with chopped cooked chicken, corn tortillas, cheese, and a cream of mushroom soup base. But like any other dish, every family makes theirs a little bit differently.

Not knowing for sure what I am putting in my mouth with canned soup, I make mine using a homemade base instead.

I hope you enjoy….

Texas Gold–King Ranch Chicken

Scratch Made King Ranch Chicken

Serves 8

• 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 stick butter
• 1 each red, yellow and green bell pepper, diced
• 1 cup flour
• 1 can evaporated milk
• 1 quart whole milk
• 2 cans Ro-tel diced tomatoes and green chilies
• 1 cup corn
• 3 teaspoons salt, or to taste
• 2 teaspoons black pepper, or to taste
• 1 package (20 count) corn tortillas, torn into quarters • 1 large onion, chopped
• 8 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Cook the chicken breasts by simmering in water or stock until done. (Alternately, you may use a rotisserie chicken from the grocery deli).

Shred the meat and set aside.

Heat butter in a Dutch oven or stock pot over medium-high heat. Add peppers and sauté until softened, about 4 minutes. Whisk in the flour…It will be very stiff. Add evaporated milk, a little at a time, whisking to keep it smooth. Repeat with whole milk.

Add ro-tel, corn, salt and pepper. Mixture should be the consistency of a thick cream soup. Add additional milk or flour if needed to attain that. Adjust salt and pepper to your preference.

Place one cup of sauce in bottom of a lasagna pan or 5 quart casserole.

Place one layer of torn tortillas, sprinkle 1/4th of the chicken, 1/4th of the onion, and 1 cup of the cheese. Repeat with remaining ingredients.

Pour remaining sauce over the top, and then top with remaining cheese.

Bake at 350* until cheese is golden and bubbling. Serve with Borracho (drunk) Beans and a green salad.

The Little Black Dress of Texas Cuisine

Borracho Beans

These are served with anything in Texas.

Serves 12

• 1 pound bacon, chopped
• 1 medium white onion, chopped 
• 4 cloves garlic, crushed 
• 1 diced fresh jalapeno 
• 2 pounds dried pinto beans
• 2 cans Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies 
• 1 cup packed cilantro, chopped
• 24 oz. beer (Lonestar, of course)
• Salt, to your taste

In a Dutch oven or stock pot over medium high heat, cook bacon just until crisp. Add onion, garlic and jalapeno. Sauté for three minutes. Stir in the dried beans, and cover with hot water to 2 inches above the beans. Cover the pot, and bring to a simmer for an hour and half.  Check the pot periodically, adding just enough water to cover.

After an hour and a half, add remaining ingredients and bring to simmer again. Cover and simmer for another hour and half. Adjust seasonings to taste. Serve as a side to anything, or as a meal with homemade cornbread.

Texas Co-Cola Sheet Cake

Texas Co-Cola Sheet Cake

The quintessential Texas dessert. In a nod to the heavy Mexican influence in the State, cinnamon is usually added, but you can omit if you wish.

Cake

• 2 cups flour
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 tsp. salt
• 2 sticks butter
• 1 cup coca cola
• 3 Tbs. cocoa powder
• 2 eggs
• 1 ½ tsp. baking soda
• 2/3 cup buttermilk
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon, if desired 

Frosting

• 1 ½ cups coarsely chopped pecans
• 1 stick butter
• 3 Tbs. cocoa powder 
• ½ cup milk
• 1 pound powdered sugar
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, optional

Preheat an oven to 350°F.

Place pecans in a baking pan, and toast for 8 minutes. Remove and set aside.

Grease an 11×17 cake pan.

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, salt and baking soda.

In a saucepan, combine the butter, cola, and cocoa powder over medium high heat. Stir while mixture comes to a boil. Pour over flour mixture, and mix just until combined.

Whisk in buttermilk, eggs, vanilla and cinnamon.

Pour into greased cake pan, and bake for 18 minutes.

When the cake is almost done, make the frosting.

In a saucepan, melt the butter, milk and cocoa powder together. When almost boiling, remove from heat and add the remaining ingredients. Pour the warm frosting over the warm cake, and allow to cool.

I know that an inordinate number of my posts have lately made reference to boys’ pieces-parts.  It isn’t because I have a perverse interest in such things.  Rather, it’s because when you have boy children, their bits are always getting them into some sort of trouble.  It’s just always there, in the way, tempting them to mischief.  And sometimes it even gets them into trouble without their knowledge or consent.

When Reagan was three, he drank a lot of milk.  And even more apple juice.  A lot of apple juice.  Like a quart a day.  Yes, yes, I know.  That’s a lot of sugar.  You don’t need to tell me about the damage that so much sugar can do to a kid’s teeth, etc….But I bet I can tell you something about it that you didn’t know.

Apple Juice….A Cautionary Tale

One day, as I was getting him up and dressed for daycare, I noticed that Reagan had a case of, not sure how I can put this delicately….but his little bits were standing at attention—like a little toy soldier.

Now, the first time I ever noticed this, I was freaked out.  I grew up in a house full of girls, so I didn’t know much about those things but I thought I knew enough….Why would a toddler have this, um, situation?   I thought this was reserved for males that had reached a certain level of maturity—and/or had bikini posters in their room.  Not for my baby boy, still sleeping with his teddy bear.

But this was not the first time, and by now I was used to this “condition”, had figured out it was normal, and no longer questioned my prenatal choices—had I eaten too many eggs, and not enough fruit??  So as usual, I got him “situated” in his pull-ups, and dressed, and off we went.  Ninety minutes later, as we neared his daycare, he was attempting to stand up in the car, grabbing at his snappy-crotched jeans, and looking generally uncomfortable…So I pulled off the road, into a parking lot, and he popped up out of his seat like a jack-in-the-box.  He was doing this odd little dance, squirming around, and doing more ball-handling than Jose Canseco.  So, I dropped his drawers only to discover, to my horror, that his little soldier was still at attention.  I am not a boy, and never was, but I felt certain that this was not normal, and probably wasn’t a good thing.  I mean, I don’t even want to do something that feels good for an hour and a half, so I was pretty sure this was not a desirable condition for a toddler.

I drove past the daycare, and to the emergency room at the Children’s Hospital.  His triage was curiously short, which should have told me that there was reason for concern.  But he still seemed pretty happy, just as long as nothing was touching his bits and pieces.  After a while, they hooked his bits up to a plastic bag.  Actually, they outfitted him with an adult sized one, as they had run out of pediatric bags.   Then they plied him with popcicles and Gatorade in an attempt to see if his pipes were working properly.  Waiting.  More Gatorade.  More waiting.  More Gatorade.  Then finally, the flood gates burst wide open and this tiny child tinkled enough to overflow an adult sized bag.  Almost immediately, his soldier was at ease, and he was happy and comfortable again.

He was released, but had to return the next day to be catheterized.  He had to drink that funky radioactive liquid, so that they could make sure his pipes were functioning properly, and that there were no obstructions or damage from the previous day’s festivities.  As he was laying on that x-ray table, with a tube stuck up where a tube should not be, and I was made to stand behind the protective glass window 10 feet away, he reached his little hand out towards me, and I heard him cry “I love you , Mommy”…..There was lots of sobbing, and crying.  But I stopped after a while.  He was just fine, and no worse for the wear.

Thankfully, he got a clean bill of health.

As traumatic as the ordeal was for me—it was nothing compared to my shock when I learned the cause.  Apple juice.  Did you hear me?  APPLE JUICE!

Apparently, his consumption of apple juice led him to develop little sugar crystals in his kidneys.  So, in effect, my baby was passing kidney stones.  And while these little crystals were trying to pass, his little bits were in a constant state of stimulation, causing his predicament.  From that day forward, his apple juice was diluted 50/50 with water.

Over the years, as the story has been told, and retold, men hearing it all have the same reaction.  Cringe-inducing, wouldn’t you think?

Nope, not quite.  Usually they look over at their wives and say “Honey, go buy me a bunch of apple juice!”

Cider Braised Pork Roast and Vegetables

Cider Glazed Pork, Parsnips and Carrots

Serves 8

• ¼ cup olive oil
• 1 3-4 pound pork loin roast
• 6 carrots, peeled
• 4-6 parsnips, peeled
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 T salt
• 1 T coarse black pepper
• 4 cups apple cider
• 2 cups water

Heat oil in a large, oven proof dutch oven over medium high heat.  Sprinkle roast liberally with salt and pepper, pressing in with your palms.  Place meat in hot oil, and brown on all sides.  Add vegetables and liquids.  Place in 250* oven for 6 hours, or until meat is tender.  Remove from oven, and place meat and vegetables on a platter.  Slice meat.  Bring juices to boil over high heat, and simmer until reduced a bit.  Serve over the meat and veg.

French Onion Soup, With Gruyere

French Onion Soup

Serves 8

• ¼ cup olive oil, plus 1 T for croutons
• 2 large white onions, thinly sliced
• 2 large red onions, thinly sliced
• 2 large yellow onions, thinly sliced
• 2 cloves mashed garlic
• 2 shallots, finely sliced
• 2 t salt
• 2 t coarsely ground pepper
• 1 T sugar
• 2 cups apple cider
• 32 oz beef stock
• 1 pound grated Gruyere cheese
• 8 slices of stale French bread

Place ¼ cup olive oil in large no-stick stock pot, and heat over medium-low heat.  Add onions, garlic, shallots, salt, pepper and sugar.  Slowly sweat the onions until they are soft, and starting to carmelize.  This should take at least an hour.  The flavors that develop during this time cannot be rushed by cooking at a higher heat, so do take your time to do it right.  Once they are browned and the juice is carmelized and mostly dry, add the cider and beef stock.  Increase heat to medium, and bring to a slow simmer.  Simmer for about 30 minutes.

To make the croutons, brush both sides of bread slices with olive oil.  Bake in 250* oven for 20 minutes on each side, and remove to cool.

To serve, ladle soup into mugs or soup crocks, and top with one crouton.  Sprinkle cheese over tops and broil in oven for 2-3 minutes until browned and bubbly.  Serve immediately.

Sunday Gravy over Spaghetti

A lot of my food blogging friends have been posting their versions of Sunday Gravy lately.  Since it is one of my favorite dishes to make, I figured I might as well jump into the fray…

First of all, for those southerners here that know what real gravy is, this isn’t it.  No pan drippings thickened with flour, milk or broth, and then seasoned with salt, pepper and tabasco. Nope, it isn’t that.

Sunday Gravy is an Italian-American dish, an extra hearty, meat-centric concoction of meat simmered in tomato sauce and served on pasta.  Usually it has meatballs and Italian sausage at minimum. Then it may have pork chops, pork loin, beef roast, chicken pieces, or any other assorted meats cooked into it.  And it simmers all day, so whatever meats are in it, they are fall off the bone tender and delicious. Most of you and many Italian-Americans themselves would call it pasta sauce, instead of gravy. 

You see, among Italian-Americans, the sauce versus gravy debate is as heated an argument as the equally long running Texan feuds about beans or no beans in your chili, sauce or no sauce on your ribs, or country fried versus chicken fried steak.  I say on all counts—who cares? Call it what you want, eat it how you wish.  You should eat food the way you like to eat it, and It will taste the same going down no matter what you call it. I call it gravy, because that’s how I learned it. 

Although I am not Italian, I often think I should have been.  I live in the kitchen, cook for everyone within a 3 mile radius, and can’t talk with my hands tied behind my back.  My kitchen is loud and busy, and full of people and laughter and food.  Sunday Gravy is, for me, the quintessential Sunday family meal.  One of those dishes that takes all day to prepare, but there is never a question that the time and labor is worth it.  It’s something my Granny would have made on those days when the whole family gathered at her home for dinner.  It is a meal that will grab your dinner guests by the shoulders, kiss them on both cheeks, and shake them vigorously while shouting “ I LOVE YOU” right in their face.  It tastes like THAT.

As long as it takes to make, it mostly passive cooking time, so don’t be turned off by that.  The long simmering time is what allows the sugar in the tomatoes to caramelize and develop fully, and for the meat to render down into a fabulously tender ragu…Next time you are cooking a large meal for people you really love, let your inner Italian Grandmother out and give this a try.

**to make meatballs uniform and fast, I use a 2” cookie dough scoop. Roll them just enough that they hold together—too much rolling will make them tough and very dense.

**although you can use any canned tomatoes, I would only use the cheap ones if you cannot find anything else in your area.  At the very least, use a brand that lists only tomatoes as ingredients on the can.  If salt and/or citric acid is listed, the tomatoes do not have a good sugar content. Try to find San Marzano tomatoes–Cento brand crushed tomatoes are widely available.  The end result is far superior.

 **I smoke my boneless ribs before adding to the pot, but this is optional.

Sunday Gravy–because it’s much more polite than grabbing your loved one by the shoulders and shouting “I LOVE YOU” in his face

Sunday Gravy

Serves 12-18
• 1 pound ground chuck
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 pound ground veal
• 4 beaten eggs
• 3 large cloves fresh garlic, finely chopped (only use fresh)
• 3 t salt
• 1 1/2 cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese
• 1 1/2 cups bread crumbs, unseasoned
• 1/2 C fresh basil, thinly sliced
• 1/2 C olive oil
• 2 pounds spicy Italian sausage links
• 2 pounds boneless country-style pork or beef ribs (or a combination)
• 6  32 oz cans of premium canned tomatoes
• 1/2 c sugar
• 1/2 c thinly sliced fresh basil
• 6 cloves finely chopped fresh garlic
• 3 t salt (or more, to taste)

In a large bowl, mix together the first nine ingredients.  Mix until just incorporated–do not over mix the meat mixture or the meatballs will be tough. Form meat mixture into balls that are 2″ in diameter, or slightly large if you wish. Heat olive oil in a large skillet to a medium high heat. Brown the meatballs in batches, on all sides. Place them in a large Dutch oven or non-stick stock pot as they are browned (they will not be cooked through yet). Keep Dutch oven on medium low heat.

Cut sausage into 1 inch pieces (leave in the casing).  Brown in the hot skillet and add to the Dutch oven.  Cut boneless ribs into 2” chunks.  Brown in the hot skillet until a nice crust appears on all sides.  Pour meat and hot oil to the Dutch oven.  Cover with remaining ingredients, stir gently, and cover.  Simmer over medium low heat for 3-4 hours.

Serve over cooked spaghetti or linguine.

It’s been a while since I reviewed the source of my traffic, so when I finally go to it today, there were some real gems.  For those that don’t follow my “Why Are YOU Here?” page, let me enlighten you…

When reviewing my stats, I like to look at the search strings that people entered into google that brought them to my page.  Some are hilarious, some are perverted, some make me weep for the future of humanity, and some put me in a fetal position under my desk, sucking my thumb….

A review of the last 3 months yielded some comedy gold…plus a few that I wouldn’t repeat in my own head in a dark room (sorry, you won’t see those).

http://texanaskitchen.com/why-are-you-here/

But of all the surprises with which they have gifted me, perhaps the most surprising has been the pee. Ironically, the only time I ever envied boys was when we were miles from a toilet and mother nature was calling. 

For example, while driving around on the ranch, and being 30 minutes from camp.  My male friends and family members would just step to the back of the truck and let her rip.  Not so for us girls….Less accessible anatomy means greater exposure—and therefore the need for greater privacy.  This means a hike through the brush to find privacy enough that we don’t moon the boys waiting back at the truck.  This isn’t as easy as it seems, because they are TRYING to get mooned.

And on a long stretch of busy highway?  Fuggetaboutit. 

So as much as I envied the boys this ability in my youth, it has often lead to much frustration, hilarity and bleach as a parent. You see, not only CAN boys answer nature’s call outdoors when they have to, they DO answer it outdoors even when there are perfectly acceptable toilet facilities nearby.

Once, when my youngest (it’s always the youngest, isn’t it??) was about 4, we were at his brother’s T-ball game.  He disappeared for a moment, and terror-struck as we turned and found him.  He had walked past the restrooms, and was standing in the middle of the main breezeway, hundreds of people all around, with his britches down around his ankles.  His father was impressed at the 5 foot arch he had achieved.  I was in a fetal position under the bleachers sucking my thumb.

Not too long after that, we were spending the weekend hunting.  The hunting truck needed gas, so we drove it into town when we went for breakfast.  For the uninitiated, a hunting truck has a metal cage built on top, about ten feet off the ground, with 4 chairs on it.  This mechanism is used for spotting wildlife from a higher vantage point while driving the ranch.  It can also be used as a mobile blind, from which hunters may hunt.  So anyway, as we are standing in line at the taco stand, which is on the side of a state highway in this small south Texas town, when we see that a small group of people across the highway have assembled.  They are all laughing and pointing to our side of the highway, in fact, they are pointing to our truck. To the top of our hunting rack, where a sweet cherub faced little boy has scaled the ladder, dropped trou, and is trying to beat his 5 foot arch record. Onto the highway below. In front of, and possibly onto, passing motorists. So apparently hunting trucks have additional uses for which I was unaware.

In Kindergarten the same year, a recess had to be missed by a certain someone because he had chosen to scribe his name on the bathroom wall, and had to glove up and help the teacher wash the wall with bleach.  Did I mention he had no writing implements with which to write his name? Pee is quite an art form apparently.

When he was in the backyard playing one day, he came in the back door, walked right past me in the kitchen, and past the guest bath, and out the front door.  He must have thrown his ball over the fence.  I went and looked out the front window, only to find him watering the flowers around the mailbox. You know, next to the street. Where people were walking.  No, he wasn’t using a hose to water the flowers.

I grew concerned after I found he had also watered the inside of one of my flower vases, and some small trash cans.  I asked the pediatrician if I should expect a lifetime spent visiting the child in some sort of facility. “No,” he assured me “this kind of thing is very common with boys of that age.  They have that thing sticking out there, tempting them all the time to see what all they can do with it.”

Lawdy Mercy. He wasn’t kidding.

I’ve done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny

But it keeps them on my knife.

At the Catholic school I attended, most people did not like to eat their peas.  The nuns would tell us that peas would make our hair curly, and I did want curly hair, but I loved peas anyway.  The kids that didn’t used to try to cleverly hide their peas, because the nuns made us clean our plates.  Kids started stuffing the food they didn’t like I into their empty milk containers, until the nuns got wise to it–then they would pick up our cartons and shake them before we were allowed to throw them away.   Since we didn’t have to eat our rolls, some kids would hollow out the middle of their rolls and put their peas inside.  My friend Yvonne stuffed some up her nose onetime.  That didn’t work out so well, of course, and she wound up in the emergency room with some guy sticking forceps up her nose, and then a nasty sinus infection.

 But not me.  I like them creamed, buttered, roasted, and fried.  In salads, and soups, and all alone. 

Here are some of my favorite ways to enjoy them…

Peas With Prosciutto

Peas and Prosciutto

serves 4

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 4 oz prosciutto, cubed
• 1 large shallot, minced
• 1 10 oz bag frozen green peas, thawed
• ½ teaspoon salt
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• 2 oz freshly grated parmesan cheese

Place the oil in a large skillet over medium high heat.  Add prosciutto and shallots, and cook for a few minutes until the shallots are translucent.  Add the peas, and cook for a few minutes, stirring occasionally, until heated through.  Salt and pepper to taste. Serve topped with shredded parmesan cheese. Serve as a delicious side dish, or in the soup below.

Two Pea Soup

Two Pea Soup

serves 4

• 8 cups chicken broth
• 2 pounds smoked ham hocks, or ham bone
• 2 1/3 cups dried split peas
• 3 cups sliced carrots
• 2 minced shallots
• ½ cup heavy cream
• 1 recipe Peas with Prosciutto (above), optional
• Garnish: rustic toasts, below

Place all of the ingredients, except for the cream, in a stock pot over medium heat.  Cover and simmer for 2 hours, stirring occasionally. Remove ham hock or bone, and discard.  Stir in cream.  Add the peas and prosciutto, or if traditional split soup is desired, omit.  Serve warm with crusty bread or croutons.

Plain Ol’ Split Pea Soup, with Rustic Toast

Rustic toasts

• 1 loaf of rustic Italian bread, sliced
• ½ cup olive oil
• ½ cup melted butter

Heat oven to 375*

Mix butter and olive oil in a bowl, and brush on both sides of bread.  Lay bread on baking sheet, and bake for 15 minutes on each side, until toasted.  Allow to cool and crisp up for 10 minutes.

A while back, we were talking about some of our other childhood faves, and the subject of Salmon Patties came up.  We decided to do it all again, and share both of our recipes with you.

As I have written about so many times, my Granny was a tremendous influence in my life in general, and especially in how my interest in cooking began.  Until the last few years of her life, 98% of my memories of her took place in the kitchen. Her kitchen. My kitchen. The kitchen at the Catholic school I attended. The kitchen at the Convent attached to that same school. The kitchen at her church.  The kitchen at her friends’ homes.

She was always cooking. For her family, friends, neighbors, and for complete strangers. If you were sick, she cooked for you. If you got a good report card, she cooked for you. If it was your birthday, anniversary, or just Tuesday, she cooked for you.  If she wasn’t busy cooking actual meals, she was busy making her own homemade yogurt, and her homemade yogurt popsicles for us grandkids to snack on.

As any self-respecting Southern woman would do, she prepared after school snacks such as homemade mac and cheese or fried chicken livers for us.

But she also was very ahead of her time in regards to organic and other health foods.  We would venture not only to the grocery store once a week, but also to the Vitamin and Health Food store a few doors down.  I would get a strawberry-banana smoothie, sweetened with honey, and some good fruit leather.  She would by all of our daily vitamins—there were enough to choke a horse—and also carob candy treats to feed us in lieu of chocolate.  I still remember them very vividly tasting pretty much exactly like a Tootise Roll.  And yogurt covered raisins, alfalfa sprouts, sunflower seed meal, and all sorts of similarly bizarre ingredients.

In the afternoon, I would make mud pies out of mud and rocks and sticks, and place globs of them on the bricks lining the driveway.  After rising from my nap, I would find that they had magically turned into sunflower seed and raisin cookies…Salty, sweet, nutty…I have never been able to replicate them, and can’t find a recipe that even comes close.

And each one of us had our own favorite meal that she would prepare when it was our “special day”.

My sister loved her mac and cheese, and always with canned beets. Have I mentioned lately how much I despise beets?

Other faves were Chicken A La King, Chicken and Dumplings (the fluffy kind), Vegetable Beef Soup (the universal favorite in our family), and Creamed Potatoes (always served with ham).  My dad’s favorite was Chop Chop—which was pork chops, browned in a pot, and covered with canned chow mein vegetables, French cut green beans, and soy sauce.  I am sure the recipe came off of a package of La Choy something or other in the 1960’s, but MAN, was it good.

But me?  My favorite was her Salmon Patties.  And I guess I can’t really say they were 100 percent HER Salmon Patties, because they were loosely based on a Heloise column from the 1960’s.   Tragically, we did not know this, and her recipe went missing for a number of years after she (my Granny) died.  In fact, her entire recipe tin was unaccounted for—and it was the thing that most of wanted to find most desperately. It was beige plastic, with a sort of smokey clear plastic top.  And it had come from the Autumn Harvest line of dishes that she had used for years.

I tried many recipes for Salmon Patties over the years, and loved many of them.  From a strictly culinary standpoint, many of them were probably “better” than my Granny’s.  But they were never the same. They could have contained 24k gold flakes and been dressed with the most expensive caviar money can buy, but they were worthless to someone trying to relive a fond memory. Also worth mentioning, my grandpa “Papa”, had a voice like an angel.  Sometimes when Granny was cooking salmon patties, he would sing “Some Enchanted Evening”, substituting in the words “Salmon Chanted Evening”. He was a card!

When my grandfather passed away a few years after her, their home had to finally be emptied.  Very sad times, but also lots of good memories popping up around every corner, on every shelf, behind every book.  But the recipe tin in question was not to be found.

After most of the family had been through, claiming the things that meant the most to them, I finally mustered up the guts to go walk through myself.  Of course, I went straight to the kitchen, and took the most highly treasured items in the house—at least from my perspective.  An old, giant, well-worn aluminum bowl, which had, on countless Thanksgivings contained enough cornbread stuffing to sink a battleship.  The two yellowed plastic mixing spoons, one with chips out of the bottom of it, which had stirred innumerable pots of soup.  And the old 2 oz Tupperware containers that always held our daily vitamins.  I filled that aluminum bowl with all sorts of trinkets from the kitchen that I wouldn’t sell for all the money in the world.

I went for one last pass through the kitchen.  Got down on my hands and knees to look through the bottom cabinets that had been emptied a few days earlier—the contents of which were sitting around in boxes and on countertops.  Just had to be sure nothing of hers would wind up in the hands of someone who wouldn’t appreciate it, and would, most likely, throw it away.  As I looked in one of the empty cabinets, I started to close the door, when I noticed a small bit of paper sticking out from the side that was obscured by the front wall of the cabinet.  I reached in, and pulled out….THE BOX!!  The recipe box that everyone had wanted to find.  I opened it, and started leafing through it.  The recipes that we had wanted so much to find were there. Her lemonade cake recipe, hand scrawled on a faded and yellowed index card.  And her Salmon Patties.

I made them as soon as I could, but was horrified to discover this was not her recipe. They were good. But they weren’t hers. So I spent some time experimenting until I came up with a recipe that is very close to Granny’s.

Here, for you to live one of my favorite childhood moments, is the Salmon Patty I grew up on. I hope you enjoy it. And for the record—peas. You serve them with peas. And ketchup.

You’re welcome!

Note: almost all recipes for salmon patties call for canned salmon. I use fresh, because those weirdly soft little vertebral bones in the can creep me out. You can eat them if you wish.

Crispy, Fluffy, and Light As Air…..Salmon Patties

Mostly Like Granny’s Salmon Patties

• 16 ounces fresh salmon, cooked ( or 1 14 oz can)
• 1/2 cup diced sweet onion or green onion ( my fave)
• 3/4 cup flour
• 2 beaten eggs
• 1 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup buttermilk
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• Oil, for cooking

Into a large bowl, fake fish. Toss with onions, salt and pepper.  Sprinkle flour over the top, and mix until combined with a fork.  Mix in the beaten eggs. Whisk baking soda into buttermilk. Stir into salmon mixture.

Pour oil to 1/4″ depth in a heavy skillet. Over medium high heat until a drop of flour sizzles vigorously.  Using a 1 1/2 inch cookie dough scoop, or a tablespoon, drop uniform sizes of batter into hot oil. Flatten slightly with back of spoon. Cook until brown on the bottom, then flip over and cook the other side until brown–about 3 minutes per side. Drain on paper towels and serve warm.

Salmon Patties, with the requisite peas, and ketchup.

Now, I did mention this was a Throwdown, right?  If you haven’t met Adam, you’ll have to follow me over to check out his recipe now. I love Adam, because he’s super smart, and has that wry sense of humor that other smart people really appreciate. Yes, in this scenario, I am claiming to be smart! So let’s go see what he’s up to, shall we?

CLICK HERE===>>>Adam’s Salmon Patties–Unorthodox Epicure<<<===CLICK HERE

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As old as I keep getting, and believe me, I just keep getting older, I still love Peanut Butter and Jelly. Almost nothing makes me feel like a kid again as easily as a PB&J sandwich.

When I was in pre-school at David Wick’s Episcopal School, Tuesday lunch was always peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, on crappy white bread, served with salty Fritos and some carrot and celery sticks on the side.  It was my favorite meal of the week, and to this day, I still put Fritos on my sandwich, and serve it with carrot and celery sticks.  And an 8 oz carton of white milk. DUHHHH.

The combined smells and tastes of that combination would give Marty McFly and his time travelling DeLorean whiplash.

If I could only find my Mickey Mouse in Space lunch box.

Although there is no real need to, sometimes it’s fun to just sass it up with the PB&J flavors, or the appearance of the dishes…The flavors go well together in both sweet and savory dishes, so the possibilities are truly vast.

Here are a few of my favorite, more grown-up takes on the childhood classic.

Toasted Peanut Butter Bacon & Jelly

Per serving:

• 2 thick slices of Challah or Hawaiian bread
• Butter, for toasting
• 2 tablespoons extra crunchy Peanut Butter
• 2 tablespoons orange marmalade
• 2 pieces of cooked bacon, crumbled
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh jalapeno (optional)

Brush both sides of bread with melted butter.  Toast in a skillet on both sides until golden brown and crusty.  Mix remaining ingredients together in a bowl, and spread between the two slices of toast.  Enjoy!

The sandwich below also has marshmallow fluff on it, when it made an appearance on my White Trash Wednesday Post on Marshmallow Fluff.

PB and J Pork Skewers

Serves 6

For Meat:

• ¾ cup creamy peanut butter
• 3 smashed garlic cloves
• 1 cup soy sauce
• 1 cup rice wine
• 2 tablespoons sliced fresh ginger
• 2 pounds boneless pork tenderloin

Combine all ingredients except for pork in a mixing bowl, and mix well.  Slice pork LENGTHWISE into thin strips, about ¼” thick and 1 inch wide.  Place meat and marinade into a zip top bag. Push all air out, and seal tightly.  Keep in refrigerator for 12-24 hours, massaging bag occasionally.  Drain marinade and dispose of it.  Thread meat onto skewers.  Grill over hot coals until cooked through and nicely browned on both sides.  Serve with dipping sauce.

For Dipping Sauce

• 1 cup apricot preserves
• ¼ cup soy sauce
• ¼ cup peanut butter
• ¼ cup apple or orange juice

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan, and heat over medium heat until warm.

PB&J Pork Skewers

mmmmmeat

PB&J Cups

• 1 cup peanut butter
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1/2 t salt
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• ½  cup jelly, flavor of your choice

Mix together peanut butter, sugar salt, flour and egg in a mixing bowl until well combined.  Place ¼ of mixture into each of 8 muffin tins lined with foil cupcake liners that have been sprayed.  Press into bottom and ¾ up sides of the tins, leaving fairly thick on the sides.  There should be a small indention in the middle.  Place about 1 scant tablespoon of jelly into each indention.  Bake at 350* for 2o minutes. Serve warm or room temp.

PB& Jelly Cups