When Boobs Attack!

Boobs. Hooters. Ta-tas. Nah-nahs. Melons. Jugs. Headlights. Honkers. Rack. Chi-chis. Bosoms. Gazingas. Honkers. The Girls. The Twins. Tits. Pillows. Fun bags. Bumpy bits.

There are hundreds of names for them, some more respectful than others.  But whatever they are called, everyone has a thing for breasts. 

Women love them because of how they fill in their shirts and dresses.  And because they have long been epitomized as the end-all, be-all of the feminine mystique. We are socialized from an early age that our boobs define us, much the same as men learn at an early age to define themselves based on the size of their….shoes.

Babies love them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  And because they make a nice pillow when resting on mommy’s chest.  When throwing a tantrum, they make a nice soft target when hurling one’s little toddler head into mommy with impressive force. 

And men love them because…….well, let’s just leave it at that.

But boobs can kill! 

That’s right, nearly 40,000 women in the United States alone died of breast cancer in 2011.  One in eight women will get breast cancer in their lifetime, and 85% of them will have no family history of it in their family.  The two biggest factors in getting breast cancer are being female, and age!

Luckily, mortalilty rates are down due largely to increased awareness and early detection.  Ladies, do your monthly self-exams.  Better yet, teach your man to do it.  He will enjoy doing it.  So much, in fact, that you will get an exam very, very regularly.  And get your annual mammogram, especially after you turn 40.  I know, I know…Sticking the girls into an ice-cold vice isn’t something I enjoy either, but it only lasts a few minutes, and can save your life!  If we were talking about a serial killer in your neighborhood, you would be very vigilant about protecting yourself, right? 

Early detection is the key to saving yourself from killer boobs!

For October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness Month,  I have set my blog’s background color to pink.  Here are a few recipes in honor of the month!

Pink Peppercorn Crusted Duck Breast, With Pink Lemonade Glaze

Boobs de Canard  (Duck Breast)

Do you hate duck?  If you said yes, I bet you don’t really hate duck.  You probably just have never had it prepared properly, and you may have gone into it thinking it would be like a chicken, but bigger.  Once you get right in the head about what to expect, and once you have had duck prepared well, you may well love it.

The first time I ever had duck, was my 16th birthday.  Fanciest restaurant in town, atop the best Hotel in the area….I ordered Roast Duck in Bing Cherry Sauce.  I will admit that half of the fiasco was my own fault.  I thought it sounded delicious.  Like Chicken a L’Orange.  But to my earlier point, Duck isn’t chicken.  Not even close.  Yes, they are both birds, but that is where the similarity ends.  Duck is a darker meat, much more strongly flavored, and can be very fatty, with a very prominent fat layer under the skin.

But in this case, the rest of the problem was with the chef.  The duck itself may well have been a mud hen, rather than a duck.  I was very dark, very stringy and greasy, completely over cooked, and swimming in a very heavy, cloyingly sweet sauce with no other dimension to it.  So I swore off duck for the nest 25 years, and resigned myself to hating it.

And then I got a wild hair one night and ordered this beautiful pan seared duck breast in an orange and crystallized ginger glaze.  It was cooked properly to a medium rare, sliced into medallions, and kissed with just enough of the sauce.  Heaven. On. A. Plate. 

I created this recipe with the same idea in mind.  Nicely seasoned with complimentary flavors that do not overpower, and pan-seared to juicy, medium-rare perfection. 

Pink Peppercorn Crusted Duck Breast With Pink Lemonade Glaze

  • 4 boneless duck breasts (Muscovy)
  • 2 tablespoons coarse-ground pink pepper corns
  • 3 t kosher salt
  • 2 T olive oil
  •  1 cup frozen pink lemonade concentrate, thawed
  • 1/2 cup dried cherries, chopped

Preheat oven to 425*

In an oven proof skillet, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Using a paper towel, pat duck breasts dry.  Salt and pepper the duck breasts, pressing pepper into the meat.  Sear, skin side down, until browned. Turn over and sear the other side.  Add lemonade and cherries.  Spoon liquid over duck and place in oven.  Cook for 10 minutes, basting every 2 minutes. Duck should be served no more than medium rare.

Slice breasts and arrange on plate.  Drizzle sauce over.

 

Cherry Pink Snowballs

Cherry Pink Snowball Cookies

Makes about 2 dozen

  • 2 cups butter, room temperature
  • 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ¾ cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 4 cups all-purpose flour  
  • 1/2 cup finely chopped dried cherries (or cranberries)
  • 3 cups powdered sugar for coating
  • 1/2 small box cherry-flavored Jello

Preheat oven to 350*

Cream the butter in a mixing bowl.  Beat in the vanilla.  Mix the ¾ cup powdered sugar, salt and flour together, and then mix into the butter until well combined.  Mix in the dried cherries.

Roll walnut sized pieces of dough into balls, and place them one inch apart on a parchment lined baking sheet.  Bake for 12 minutes, or until just beginning to turn golden around the bottoms.  Remove and allow to cool for 3 minutes.  Place 3 cups powdered sugar and jello mix in a large bowl, and mix well. Roll the cookies in powdered sugar mixture and set aside.  When completely cool, roll again in powdered sugar.  Store in airtight container for a week

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Categories: BAKING, dessert, Food, humor, recipes, Texas, writing

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25 Comments on “When Boobs Attack!”

  1. 2012/10/18 at 12:23 pm #

    that duck looks so yummy!

  2. Jackie Van De Walle
    2012/10/18 at 4:53 pm #

    I love the recipes and will try them soon. You write so cleverly and funny with a powerful punch with your message. Keep writing, keep sharing recipes and keep up the advice you so eloquently give to all of us.

  3. 2012/10/18 at 9:46 pm #

    This is brilliant!!!

  4. 2012/10/19 at 7:36 am #

    I love the humor in this serious message! Thanks and keep writing & sharing….Happy Friday! :)

  5. kzackuslheureux
    2012/10/19 at 10:00 am #

    Good Stuff, and by the way…. Nice Rack! ;)

  6. 2012/10/20 at 10:52 am #

    Had my boobies smushed last Monday! This recipe sounds devine!

  7. 2012/10/20 at 2:50 pm #

    Those snowball cookies look so good!

  8. 2012/10/20 at 6:41 pm #

    With a title like that, I just had to read it. You have a great idea about having the boyfriend/husband do breast exams. You’re right. I’d gladly give daily exams just to be thorough. That duck looks tasty, too…

  9. 2012/10/21 at 7:12 pm #

    Reblogged this on Father Says… and commented:
    Christine has a knack for making the ordinary extraordinary in her blogs. I thought this was a good approach for the serious subject of breast cancer.
    She also adds interesting recipes. Karen would have loved to experiment with them.

  10. 2012/10/22 at 5:18 pm #

    I will now forever replace any recipe’s reference to chicken breasts with chicken boobs. Thanks for planting that seed. lol.

  11. 2012/10/22 at 10:22 pm #

    Loved how you tackle that topic. Humor teaches better than anything else in the world. Well, maybe music runs very close to humor. I’m not much of a foodie but your writing and recipes are addictive.

    • 2012/10/22 at 10:47 pm #

      Yes, humor is my favorite influencer….and I hope you stick around for the story telling! I have as much fun living them and telling them as I do cooking.

  12. 2012/10/22 at 11:23 pm #

    This post really made me smile! Thank you Christine. I’m going to give the Cherry Pink Snowball tits a go I think!

  13. 2012/10/29 at 11:12 am #

    You are a great writer! So well said!

  14. 2012/10/30 at 7:14 pm #

    Christine, I am so happy you found me! And, now I am loving your blog!! I think, though, that in true honor of breast cancer month, you could have shaped that duck and those cookies into boobs! ;-)

  15. 2012/10/31 at 10:45 am #

    Snowballs look nice.

  16. 2012/11/06 at 11:51 am #

    Ha! Love the boob recipes! Very clever!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Being grateful | Slay All Dragons - 2012/11/26

    [...] of Honey Boo Boo? And I was left speechless with her Breast Cancer Awareness Month post (“When Boobs Attack!”) So try the recipes, since I certainly won’t [...]

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